tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68471284693828715032024-03-13T12:08:31.111-07:00average girl doing average thingsltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.comBlogger415125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-61042535827332912172018-07-26T08:44:00.000-07:002018-07-26T08:44:46.230-07:00Tri for a Cure TriathlonHey, ho, been a long time since I've been here...<br />
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I'm still alive, just not doing much. Still cancer free, still taking tamoxifen, still running.<br />
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Last winter, I was all gung ho about being a survivor when the registration lottery for the Tri for a Cure came out. I signed up and thought I probably wouldn't get in.<br />
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But then I did. So, of course, I thought it would be a great idea to do the race as a survivor.<br />
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Um, yeah. About that.<br />
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Fast forward 6 months to when it's time to actually do the triathlon. I did very little training for this race. And by very little, I mean none. I swam exactly one time in February and that was in the pool. I also biked exactly one time and that was 2 weeks ago. So yeah, I was really at my best for this race.<br />
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Each participant is required to raise $500 to donate to the Maine Cancer Foundation. I was able to raise $1850 because I have awesome friends and family that generously donated to my fundraising page! Thank you so much to all of you! <br />
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The Tri for a Cure is a sprint tri so I wasn't too worried about my lack of training. I mean, I'm in reasonable shape and I've been running and lifting regularly so I knew I could do it and finish it, so I didn't really stress too much about not doing any swimming or biking. Well,,, the swimming part was giving me some stress, but I figured I could just back stroke my way through it if I had to.<br />
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One week prior to the race I started looking at the weather forecast. We had been having sunny and 70* days with low humidity all week, but the day of the race looked to be the start of a rainy, crappy week. Fabulous.<br />
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Of course, the forecast held true and Saturday (the day before the race) was sunny, cool, dry and perfect. Of course. Sunday looked to be a monsoon--grey, dark, pouring rain and mid 60's. I was not looking forward to this. There is not much more I hate than being wet and cold. Add to that swimming in the ocean in the rain and cold and I was dreading this race.<br />
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I made myself sick thinking about having to get in the water and swim. I am anxious anyway about OWS and have to talk myself down from a panic, and then to add dark and cold and rainy to the mix was not good for my mental status. <br />
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Pre-race check in was pretty uneventful. There was a long line for bib pick up and bike check-in and somehow, I missed that survivors didn't have to wait in line... damn.. So I waited with all of the non-cancer people like a dummy. Got my bib, #42, racked my bike and went to grab my prizes for reaching my fundraising goals. This year you got a water bottle for $700 raised, an Alaina Marie bait bag for $1000 and a Sea Bag for $1500. I got all three! <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">racked and ready </span></div>
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They also had a banner for all survivors to put their footprint on. That was pretty special to be able to add my print to the group of survivors.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> 1.5 year survivor</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">also, Kate and Tricia have BIG feet..... </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> A whole banner of survivors</span></div>
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So I was pretty nonchalant about this whole race--and thankfully, my friend Sarah (also a survivor!), clued me in on some things last minute that I probably should have known about already--like there were 2 transition locations (who has 2 transition locations???), but good to know literally 8 hours before the race, right? So I made some last minute additions and was good to go.<br />
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5 AM wake up and I was off. <br />
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•wetsuit--check<br />
•trisuit--check<br />
•bike--already in transition<br />
•bike helmet and bike shoes--check<br />
•race belt and bib--check<br />
•food--check but can't eat because want to barf<br />
•dry clothes for after--check<br />
•towel for wiping off sand--check<br />
•dollar store bin to keep everything dry at transition--check<br />
•sunglasses--check, even though there was no sun but will be useful to keep the rain out of my eyes<br />
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Rolled in around 6:30 and made my way with all my shit to the transition area to get that set up. I was walking near a group of women talking and a voice sounded familiar to me--turns out it was my cancer surgeon, Dr. Teller! So awesome! She was doing the relay with two survivors and her part was the swim. So amazing to see her prior to the race, it really helped to ease some of my anxiety. <br />
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Ran into my survivor friend, Sarah, at the transition area and so many other people I know. Everyone seemed so excited and happy but I was just a giant ball of nerves. Literally making myself sick thinking about the swim portion. I did not know how I was going to manage to get through it. <br />
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Around 8:00, everyone was to gather down by the starting area for the opening ceremony. It was pretty touching to hear that we, as a group, raised almost $2 million for the Maine Cancer Foundation here in Maine. Two Million Dollars! Wow. And all of that stays right here in Maine to help Maine patients. We posed for a survivors picture, National Anthem was sung, and then it was time to go. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">me, back second in from right--looking and feeling like I want to shit my pants</span></div>
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They called the survivors down to the start. As we were walking down the rock stairs to get to the beach, I see a woman next to me wearing only a swim suit. She was literally the ONLY person not wearing a wetsuit. I touched her shoulder and said, I don't know how you do this without a wet suit. I will never forget what she said to me. She turned to me and said:<br />
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<i>I've been through 10 rounds of chemo. I am 10 months out. I am alive. This makes me feel alive! We are alive! We are so lucky to be alive!</i><br />
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I started crying immediately. Here I was being a pussy about getting in the cold water because I was scared and feeling all bad for myself and this woman, this cancer survivor like me, was rejoicing feeling the cold and embracing it because she could! Because she was alive to do so.<br />
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Honestly, it was just what I needed to hear. I hugged that woman 3 times as we made our way to the water. Thank you. Thank you for helping me get my mind in the right place. Thank you for reminding me why I signed up for this, why I wanted to do it. <br />
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Thank you, woman-with-no-wet-suit. Whoever you are, I thank you.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">me asking her about her suit--caught on the live new report</span></div>
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So after a few more tears and words, we were off.</div>
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The water actually wasn't that bad--it was 64* and the air was 62* so it didn't really feel awful. It was dark and choppy though so it was hard to swim. I managed a bit of the crawl for a little and then I started to feel tired and panicky so I flipped over onto my back and did the back stroke for awhile. Well, basically until a kind kayaker advised me I was going the wrong direction. Great. I redirected and kept swimming. Trying not to panic the whole time. Waves kept coming and splashing into my mouth and I was winded so it was really hard. Somehow I managed to get to the first buoy and got around it. Two more times I had kayakers tell me I was swimming in circles and the wrong direction, fabulous. Turns out back stroke is probably not the most effective stroke to swim in a triathlon..... huh. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm in there somewhere probably going the wrong way</span></div>
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I made the final turn around the last buoy and again, backstroked into a lifeguard person who, once again, told me I was going the wrong way. But wait, she was standing! Can I stand up? Yes, you can she said! Oh, thank you Jesus. I was done with that hellacious swim. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">exactly how I felt</span></div>
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1/3 mile swim 19:20</div>
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I wish I knew how to add emojis to this blog because there would be a lot of them. Grimace face, surprised face, laughing face, I could go on. </div>
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Really this should have been around 12-15 minutes for my non-swimmers ass. Cripes, with all the swimming in the wrong direction and in circles, I probably swam a mile. </div>
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They had strippers at the swim exit which is so awesome. You just lay down on your back and the strip the suit right off of you! Grabbed my wet suit and off I ran. My friend, Eric, (ironman extraordinaire and sherpa to all) asked me if he could take my wetsuit for me. Um, yes please! One less thing to carry during the 1/2 mile run to the transition area. Thanks, Eric! You rock.</div>
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I made a pretty quick transition to the bike, putting on my bike shoes (no socks) and grabbing my helmet and sunglasses. I stupidly forgot to take off my shirt you see in the swim pic--I wore it to prevent chaffing around my armpits--but definitely did not want to wear it on the bike. So I had to stop, take off my helmet and strip the shirt off. I threw it into a grassy median to get later and took off. </div>
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T1 6:07 <span style="font-size: x-small;">pissed I lost prob a minute taking off my shirt</span></div>
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Bike was good. I felt good biking even though I hadn't trained at all, I was able to keep my speed up around 16-18 mph for the first bit. It was pouring. And by pouring, I mean POURING. So. Much. Rain. But I wasn't cold and I really didn't mind the rain. I was just so happy to be done with the swim..... </div>
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I was doing pretty well on the bike, passing people who obviously were better swimmers than I... haha and that made me feel like I was making up some of the time that I blew away during the swim, and then I went to change gears and dropped my chain. Fuck. Unclip my shoes, try to put the chain on, hop back on and pedal 10 ft and it falls off again. Double Fuck. This was on the start of the Beach to Beacon stretch and a nice man who was spectating from the opposite side of the road came over and helped me get my chain back on. THANK YOU!! Then I was off again.</div>
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Second half of the bike there was a headwind. And pouring rain still. Biking was hard. Pretty sure my average dropped a bit here as I was seeing a lot of 13 mph and even 10 mph on the hills. Ugh. But whatever. I was still not swimming so I was happy. </div>
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As I was coming in to the last mile of the bike, I heard my name and saw my friends, Stacey and Danielle! I was so happy! I knew Stacey was coming to watch me and I was worried I wouldn't see her and I was so pleased to see that she found Danielle and they were together. Danielle was there for Sarah, but I was so happy to see her cheer for me too. :) Sorry I didn't see you at the end, Danielle. #sadface</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">all the rain </span></div>
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Bike 56:29 15.6 mph average <span style="font-size: x-small;"> not awful given the dropped chain and headwind</span></div>
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Bike finish was uneventful. The announcer called my name as I came in which is always cool to hear. I got myself into transition and quickly dried off my feet, put socks and sneakers on, grabbed my race belt and headed out for the run.</div>
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T2 2:41 much better!</div>
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The run was hard because my legs were trashed from pedaling against the headwind and the no training thing didn't help either. Somehow I averaged 9:30 miles and I was pretty happy with that given that's about what I average lately just regular running. I was pleased to see that I didn't drop slower even after the bike. </div>
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My running pace has been at least a minute/mile slower than what it was before all my surgeries. I have no idea if it's just because that's what my body is capable of now or maybe I'm just not training like I used to? Maybe it's all in my head and I just need to work harder and tell my brain to shut up and that I can go faster. I don't know. I care a little because who wants to become slower? but I don't really care because I can still run, it's still fun and no one pays me for this so who cares. </div>
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I liked the run route even though it was still pouring. There were puddles everywhere and my feet were soaked within seconds of leaving transition. The views would have been beautiful if visibility was more than 5 feet. Oh well. Nothing really exciting happened on the run. Oh wait, my shoe did come untied even though I specifically made sure to double knot them. Seriously, how does that happen?? #soannoyed</div>
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As I came into the finish shoot I could hear my friends, Stacey and Danielle, and I was so happy to be done! I wish I could embed the video but it won't link over from Facebook. dammit. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> this would have been a pretty shot if there wasn't so much fog.....</span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xYBl422A3AA/W1nkcbTo9cI/AAAAAAAAshk/FrlfKW-drxYLdITPNxeNi70xkfKhL542wCLcBGAs/s1600/MFTC18RA01100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="384" data-original-width="256" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xYBl422A3AA/W1nkcbTo9cI/AAAAAAAAshk/FrlfKW-drxYLdITPNxeNi70xkfKhL542wCLcBGAs/s400/MFTC18RA01100.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">coming in to the finish line</span></div>
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Run 28:51 (9:37 pace)</div>
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Total 1:53:26 </div>
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30/88 age group</div>
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267/622 overall</div>
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Overall, not horrible. </div>
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I got my medal and somehow found Stacey who was crying and hugging me and telling me how proud she was of me. I got all teary and crying again because really, she was so awesome to come and support me and I can't believe she stood in the pouring rain to meet me at the finish. It felt good to be done and with my friend. </div>
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Once again, I am reminded that I can do things that are scary. Even if I am not good at them. Even if I am not the fastest. I can do them. Getting in the water to swim was, once again, one of the scariest things I've done. But dammit, I did it. I sucked at it, I drank more ocean than I should, I swam in circles and off-track, but I finished and I didn't die. My body with all it's missing and fake parts can do amazing things if I want it to. </div>
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And like we all do when we finish something like this, (or like having a baby...) you forget or downplay the misery you went through and think, huh, maybe I'll do this again next year. I KNOW I can do better if I train harder.....</div>
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So maybe I'll do this again next year. I do have an automatic entry because of my fundraising.....</div>
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Stay tuned. </div>
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ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-80768270328018966962018-01-26T05:51:00.001-08:002018-01-26T05:51:26.849-08:00One Year Later/One Day at a TimeToday marks one year free from cancer.<br />
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It's funny to think that just one short year ago, I was preparing myself to head into a major surgery to remove both breasts and the cancer that was in one of them. <br />
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A year goes by both so fast and so slow. How does time work like that? How can it be a whole year since all that happened and it feel like it was a lifetime ago but also feel like it was just yesterday?<br />
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I can remember exactly how I felt when I was being wheeled into surgery--scared and crying like a fool from the anesthesia that they had given me. I remember what it felt like to wake up and how it hurt like a mother but my whole family was there so I wanted to be happy to see them. How the drains itched and were constantly poking me and keeping me from having a shower. That feeling when they were finally all removed. The expanders as hard as rocks and then the implants really not much better. <br />
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All of it. I remember all of it like it was yesterday. But it was not. It is a year later and here I am. Fake tits and all. Almost like nothing ever happened. <br />
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But it did. And I'm reminded every day about it. Medication to keep the cancer at bay, which thankfully, gives me little to no side effects that I'm aware of. I haven't had a period in 13 years and that hasn't changed. For 12 years it was from the IUD, now I don't know what it's from. The IUD was removed so the estrogen would not encourage the cancer to grow and I kinda thought I would get it again, but nope. I have no idea if it's because I'm 47 and have gone through menopause or if it's from the tamoxifen mimicking menopause. I suppose it really doesn't matter though, does it? My baby-making days are over.<br />
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Never sleeping on my stomach again because it feels like lying on softballs. That one has been hard. <span style="font-size: x-small;"> no pun intended</span> <br />
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One stupid pointy nipple all the time because I can't feel a friggin thing there anymore and stupidly did not think to ask the surgeon to remove both to be symmetrical. <br />
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Less financial stability than I had just a few years ago. Not directly due to the cancer, but it certainly played a role. Rising health insurance costs that I MUST pay for--no way I could consider going without health insurance now. It's daunting and overwhelming to think about. Is the cancer going to come back? How long do I have? Do I have enough time to create financial stability for my kids? There are no answers to these questions.<br />
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And yet, I really have nothing to complain about in regards to my cancer. Others have it so much worse than I did/do. I have my hair (as thin and blah as it is), I did not have to have chemo, and I don't carry the gene that could potentially give it to my kids. I'm working and will continue to work. I feel good (although I never felt bad!) and overall I'm not much worse for wear. <br />
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My friends (you know who you are!) have been incredibly supportive for everything--from food after surgery, to picking up and dropping off kids, to listening to me cry and complain about whatever is going on in my life that is giving me stress--I don't know what I would do without them. I have therapists in many forms--running buddies and cancer buddies and the very best sister-in-law ever--they keep me sane. <br />
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I was having a particularly bad day one time and was furiously texting my friend a million different what ifs, doing what I do best and overthinking and worrying about what may or may not happen 2-10 years from now. And she was like Whoa, Michelle. Slow down. Just take it one day at a time. That's all you can do, right? <br />
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So that's my mantra now and I'm stealing it from AA. <br />
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One Day a at Time.<br />
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So cliche but such good advice, really. But that's all we have really is just today. No point in worrying about the past because that can't be changed. Worrying about the future doesn't do any good either because whatever is going to happen is going to happen whether you worry about it or not. That phrase, as silly as it might seem to others, keeps me going.<br />
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So today I'm going to work as usual, watch my kid play some basketball, I'll probably clean my house and play with my dog and hopefully, get a run in. <br />
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Just one day at a time.<br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-612627332014561202017-08-21T09:05:00.002-07:002017-08-21T09:05:52.021-07:0010 Years Well SpentWell, hey, it's been awhile since I've posted. Guess I've been feeling good and getting back to normal. I did a couple of races, both 10Ks, and although they were much slower than my best time, I was proud to do them and finish them strong. The Beach to Beacon 10K was a great moral victory for me in that I ran it in 52:14 which is under 9:00/miles. I wasn't sure that I was physically able to run under 9's anymore. <br />
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But I am. So it's my head (and my weight) that's holding me back and not my lungs or legs. <br />
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I got to meet and run with Joan Benoit during a training run and that was pretty cool. She's a really nice woman and obviously a super fast runner!<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">I look like a giant. In my defense, I am on a hill.... but I do have her by probably 50lbs... </span></div>
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Here's a couple of pics from the Beach to Beacon<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sEk4nDtC9Ps/WZrooWfpp1I/AAAAAAAAsck/H4yUHjh6yu8r5kFnC6zufE-gwz5d4IoqwCLcBGAs/s1600/20638932_1814865098531642_7967725880270701378_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" height="266" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sEk4nDtC9Ps/WZrooWfpp1I/AAAAAAAAsck/H4yUHjh6yu8r5kFnC6zufE-gwz5d4IoqwCLcBGAs/s400/20638932_1814865098531642_7967725880270701378_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">so photogenic</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">the camera loves me</span></div>
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Back to the comment above regarding being heavier--over the past year, I have gained about 10lbs. I'm not sure if it was happening before the cancer debacle or just after because I never weigh myself but it was certainly more apparent to me after surgery. Clothes weren't fitting, running slower etc. I tried a few things on my own and nothing was working. I was sure it was the tamoxifen because I was doing all the same things as before. <br />
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Last ditch effort before talking with the doctor about stopping the tamoxifen, I decided to try a program that was recommended to me by a friend. Stronger U. You can google it if you want, but basically, it's a food tracking program where you are allowed a certain amount of macros each day. Macros are carbs, fat and protein. You weigh your food, track it all and eat whatever fits into your macros for the day. <br />
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Turns out I was eating WAY too many carbs and fat and not nearly enough protein. Huh. That could explain the weight gain.....<br />
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Anyway, at the start of week 4, I'm down 6 lbs and 1 inch off my waist. 8 more weeks to go so we'll see where that leads. I have a series of pictures I've taken before and at the end of each week, but I'm not ready to share those just yet. Stay tuned.<br />
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Also related to the weight gain and my considering going off the tamoxifen--I'm glad I did this program and now have an alternative that doesn't involve stopping the tamoxifen. I haven't really thought about how having had cancer might affect me in the future--I kinda felt like having the mastectomy was the end. It wasn't in my lymph nodes and that's that. But the other day I was talking with someone who lost his wife to breast cancer. We talked about how I was doing and he was glad I was doing well. He spoke of his wife and how she had breast cancer too and when it came back 10 years later, it came back with a vengeance and meant business. I never knew her story and I was glad he shared it with me.<br />
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But later on it struck me, that could be me in 10 years. Maybe I only have 10 more cancer free years before this bitch comes back to get me for real this time. <br />
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She probably thought she was cured. <br />
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Only to find 10 years later, she wasn't. <br />
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That, folks, is some hard medicine to swallow. What if I only have 10 more years? What if? What do I want to do with those 10 years?<br />
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Well, I'm gonna make them count. These next 10 years are going to be the best years of my life. If I want to do something, I'm going to do it. I'm going to see every one of my kids' games and go to every one of their events at school. I'll never regret saying that I was there. If that means driving hours on end, then I'll do it. If I want to run a race, I'm going to do it. You better believe there's going to be an Ironman in there somewhere (Stacey, you'd better be all in for this!) and probably another marathon and maybe races in other states and hopefully a trip to Australia. <br />
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If I only have 10 years left of this life, then they are going to be 10 years well spent and hopefully, with no regrets. <br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-63826087886207351772017-06-13T11:00:00.001-07:002017-06-13T11:00:30.564-07:00Post-Reconstruction SurgeryIt's been just about 3 weeks now since I've had my final reconstruction surgery where the expanders were removed and the implants were put in. It was pretty simple and pain-free for me. I took some time to recover from the anesthesia but not nearly as long as last time and I had no pain right from the get go. In fact, I even went to my daughter's lacrosse game that afternoon! The recovery has been pretty easy as well. I didn't need to use any of the oxycodone that was prescribed to me and only used tylenol for the first 3 days after surgery. <br />
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SO. MUCH. EASIER. <br />
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The first surgery was pretty rugged now that I can look back on it. I just plodded through at the time, because really, what else are you gonna do? But it was rough compared to this second surgery. <br />
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The implants feel a little softer than the expanders but not much. Everything is still pretty hard. But overall, I'm satisfied with the results. They aren't giant tits (which I never wanted anyway) but they sure are high and tight! No bra needed other than to calm the one nipple I have left. <br />
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<b>Fun Fact: </b>When I touch the top part of my breast where the edge of the implant is, I feel it in my arm. Not sure what that's all about, but it's pretty weird. Only on the right side though. <br />
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I've not had any pain and it's been really difficult to follow the "no exercise" rule. I think I may have broken that rule a few times.....<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">light spin and some weights</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> 3 mile run </span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Zz3gQIKhWi8/WUAF9Uuvx3I/AAAAAAAAsb8/Ppip9K0C8zw2RPpD6pOruJXdLK3vdcYwwCLcB/s1600/19105513_10213182621509038_2866951022713783545_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Zz3gQIKhWi8/WUAF9Uuvx3I/AAAAAAAAsb8/Ppip9K0C8zw2RPpD6pOruJXdLK3vdcYwwCLcB/s320/19105513_10213182621509038_2866951022713783545_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">23 mile bike at Acadia National Park!</span></div>
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I cannot sit still when I feel good, making it very hard to listen to doctor's orders. I'm looking forward to Friday when I get my full clearance to exercise and I won't have to feel guilty about it. Still gonna run tonight shhhhh</div>
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Which brings me to the latest joy that breast cancer has brought me. I'm hoving near/over 150lbs. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(I don't even know exactly because I can't bear to step on the scale and see that number.) </span> Which is 8-10lbs over my regular weight. I have never ever in my life weighed more than 150 lbs except when I was pregnant with my kids. And then, the highest I got was 160. I realize that I'm not exercising like I used to because of surgeries and restrictions from the surgeries so I hope that is the reason. I'm gaining weight around my belly (which is highly unusual for me) and I'm just plain ole bigger than I was. Pants don't fit. Pants and shorts that I have worn every single summer for 8 years. It's depressing af. But I as read about the side effects of the tamoxifen, it appears as though taking the tamoxifen is at least partly to blame. </div>
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Since it blocks the estrogen (which is what feeds my cancer), it causes my body to act like it's going through menopause. Isn't that just great. I honestly don't know if taking the medication is worth it if I'm going to gain 20 lbs. I might just take my chances with the 15% recurrence rate vs. 20 lbs overweight and 7.5% recurrence rate. </div>
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So anyway, I've chosen to clean up my diet--shooting for no sugar, very little wheat and dairy, and no alcohol (pretty simple since I don't drink anyway). I'm gonna give this a month or two and combine that with getting back to regular exercise and hope that that gets my back to my happy weight and back into my clothes. If not, Ms. Dr. Oncologist and I are gonna have a chit-chat to figure out how the hell we are going to manage this without me losing my shit over being heavy. </div>
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So if you see me and think my ass looks bigger, it is. Don't mention it unless you want a throat punch. It's a bit of a touchy subject. </div>
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Oh and PS--if you want to see or touch them, just ask! Just don't be a friggin weirdo about it.</div>
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-66169827083435733142017-05-17T06:52:00.000-07:002017-05-17T06:52:10.008-07:00Mother's Day MadnessSo Sunday was Mother's Day and I had made plans to run with my best running buddy for a section of the Maine Coast Marathon while she makes an attempt to qualify for Boston. The heat got the best of her at the Boston Marathon and she missed her qualifying time and she was pissed. So she promptly signed up for the Maine Coast and asked me to join her.<br />
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I was planning to run with her for the last 9-10 miles of the race and so I signed up to volunteer on the course at the beginning. I found a slot that lasted from 7:30-8:30 and would give me enough time to drive to mile 19 and wait for her to arrive.<br />
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Rewind to Saturday, the day before Mother's Day. This was the forecast:<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">in case you can't tell, that is garbage. A shit ton of rain right smack where the race is. Boo.</span></div>
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But being the good friend that I am and the fact that I had actually signed up to volunteer, I decided to go ahead and go down anyway. Race direct from 7:30-8:30, then find Stacey at Mile 19 and pace her to the finish.<br />
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It was a lovely day for a marathon--pouring and 43*. I was stationed at mile 4 and would be directing runners to stay to the right. Easy peasy. Actually, the hardest part was finding where I was supposed to be. I am directionally challenged you might say. And thankfully, I had nothing to do with the extra mileage that most of the runners ran due to a directional error. Not me! lol<br />
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I was pretty prepared though. #allthegear<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">thermal, lined running pants, sports bra tank, lined running top and rain pants and jacket</span></div>
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I hate being cold and wet and I was prepared to be neither. Although Mother Nature had different ideas as I ended up being <i><b>both</b></i> cold and wet. C'est la vie.<br />
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Directing folks to "bear right up ahead" was pretty simple and I really enjoyed it. So many runners took the time to thank me for volunteering and that was awesome. I mean, it was shit weather out there, they were at mile 4 of what would turn out to be a 26.8 mile run and they were still nice enough to thank the volunteers. I love runners. <3 Volunteering at a race will definitely be on my list of things to do in the future.<br />
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After my hour at my station, I returned my flag and vest (sadly) and went out to find a good spot around Mile 19 to meet Stacey and get her to the finish. I met my friend Sarah (who is also battling breast cancer and just had chemo on Friday!) and Lesley and we yelled and cheered for the runners as they passed us.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Maybe I should add that I had my tits cut off 4 months ago! Running in the rain is a piece of cake!</span></div>
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I met my friend, Stacey, and off we went. First thing she said is "the course is long". We were at Mile marker 19 and her watch said 19.5. It had been off for awhile she said. I told her maybe she didn't do her tangents properly. Turns out she was right. After the race we found out that at Mile 12, a volunteer/course marshall had directed runners down a dead end for an out and back that wasn't actually part of the course. There was an actual out and back at Mile 20/21?, but not at 12. <br />
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Anyway, the last 7.2 miles were a bunch of suckage. It was rainy, cold (although I did warm up!) and windy af. The stretch of beach that was such a relief 2 years ago when the weather was 90* was just a nightmare this year. The wind was so bad and rain was pelting in your face. I tried to run in front of Stacey so she could draft behind me. I'm not sure how much it helped, but I'm sure it didn't hurt. I wore exactly what you saw in the picture above. Rain gear and all. haha<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">may as well have worn grundens... trying to block the wind for Stacey behind me</span></div>
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I turned off just before the finish and let Stacey finish on her own. I also didn't take anything at any of the aid stations or use any of the services. I didn't take or try to take a finisher's medal, t-shirt or any other such thing. I did change in the locker room afterward, but I would imagine that was ok.<br />
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For the record, she fell (literally. and broke her pinky) at the finish line at exactly 4:00. So she squeaked in under her qualifying time. YAY! Mission accomplished. Her husband and daughter had our dry clothes all ready for us and we found a locker room to change in.<br />
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The locker room experience ended up being a little weird for me actually. I have no problem changing in a big locker room in front of a lot of people so I went about my business and started stripping down. When I got to my sports bra, it kinda stuck on my hard ass boobs and I struggled to get it off. And then all I could think about was my nipple-less breast, my scars and all that went with having the mastectomy. I hesitated for a moment, feeling self-conscious for probably the first time ever. I wasn't embarrassed for me, I was just worried about making someone else feel uncomfortable. Then I said fuck it, and if they are uncomfortable that is their own problem and not mine. I'm not sure anyone even noticed, but it was just a weird moment because it was the first time I'd ever been embarrassed or even conscious of what someone might think of my body. We all have lumps and bumps and rolls that we don't like, but not everyone has one nipple and scars all over. <br />
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So to sum up my Mother's Day:<br />
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1. Running with friends is the best. Even in shit ass weather.<br />
2. Pay attention to directions so you don't fuck up 30+ people's BQ time.<br />
3. I am capable of running 7+ miles in full on rain gear in a hurricaine.<br />
4. I don't want you to feel bad for me or pity my boobs in any way. I quite like them, scars and all, but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me. I'm not uncomfortable. I'm quite comfortable with my new parts.<br />
5. My friends are all badass. All of them. The BQ ones and the fuck you cancer ones.<br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-44672600765936880862017-04-25T13:15:00.000-07:002017-04-25T13:15:00.553-07:00Monthly UpdateI'm not sure how I used to be able to blog 3 x week because I can't seem to come up with much to say more than monthly lately. I think part of it is that I used to write about my kids a lot and now that they are older and teenagers, I'm not allowed to write anything that might be even remotely embarrassing to them. Obviously, that takes away a lot of blogging material. haha Oh well, soon enough they will be out of the house and I will be missing their bitchy faces. So on to things I can talk about.....<br />
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I have my final surgery planned for 5/24! Expanders are coming out and implants are going in. Woot! I'm not super excited about having another surgery, but I am super excited about getting through the recovery and going back to a normal life. I'll need general anesthesia again (ugh) but this one is a much shorter and easier surgery. I don't have to stay overnight and I should be able to go back to work on Monday.<br />
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Back before all the cancer business, I had signed up to run the Sugarloaf Marathon and make a BQ attempt. That is clearly not happening this May, either the BQ or even running a marathon, so I opted to drop into the 15K race instead. So many of my friends are going to be there and running that I didn't want to miss out. So I planned to have my surgery directly after the Sugarloaf weekend so I could still participate, but have my 3 weeks of no exercise recovery not mess up my entire summer.<br />
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I'm imagining that this surgery will not be nearly as involved as the first one. The plastic surgeon said he planned to use the existing incision sites so I won't have any new scars. It sounds like it's just a matter of removing the expanders and placing the implants. We had some discussion about what type of implants and of course, I have no idea now what we decided on other than I know it's not the "rough" ones that have some incidents of a secondary blood cancer (no thanks) and it's a type that isn't completely round--more teardrop shaped? I think? But not super tear drop shaped because those ones needed drainage tubes and no way, no how, did I want those again. They said I'm scheduled for 75 minutes (which is literally nothing compared to the first!) and a couple of hours in recovery and I'll be able to go home for lunch! woo! My daughter has a lacrosse game that night I was hoping to be able to see so it looks like that will probably happen!<br />
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I CANNOT WAIT TO BE ALL DONE WITH THIS!<br />
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I've been taking the tamoxifen for a bit now and haven't had any side effects that I know of. Unless weight gain is one of them. Well, I haven't really gained any weight but I haven't lost any either. And one would think that I would go back to my normal weight of 143-5ish after I started running and exercising again. But here I am still at 150. So maybe I need to monitor my food a little better, I'm not sure. Or maybe it's because I'm 46 now and getting old. Whatever it is, I don't drop weight as easily as I used to. Also, I have been getting pretty warm at night while sleeping and one of the side effects is hot flashes. I wouldn't call them hot flashes, but I do wake up and I'm sweating. But that isn't a big deal. I just throw off a cover and go back to sleep. So I guess tamoxifen will be in my life for a while.<br />
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As I said, I have been running around 5 days a week, always at least 4 miles and sometimes more on the weekend. The weather is starting to get a little bit warmer--it's kinda spring here in Maine. Full on summer on Easter and then back to winter two days later. ugh.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">sporting my Boston Marathon visor my friend bought for me. I LOVE it.</span></div>
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So anyway, that's whats going on in my world right now. I just want to get back to the business of living my boring, normal life. And on that thought, I will leave you with this picture of the ugly town I live in. Poor me.<br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-50305162822094651132017-03-28T08:42:00.000-07:002017-03-28T08:42:14.181-07:00LimboSo here I am in limbo. The waiting zone. The already-started-but-not-quite-finished yet zone. That time in-between the first surgery and the final surgery. It's where you feel mostly normal, but not completely because you know you aren't done yet. There's more fun to be had right around the corner.<br />
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I've reached the point where the expanders are filled as much as I want them to be. And holy hell, I don't understand AT ALL why anyone would want to get implants or really large breasts. For example, I have a hard time shaving my armpits because the side boob is so round that there's this valley of pit that is hard to reach. On the plus side, I guess if I ever wear a backless dress, my side boob will be fantastic. So there's that.<br />
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Also, it's impossible to sleep on your stomach. Even side-stomach is hard. And perhaps that will be better when the implants are in, but these damn expanders are hard as shit. (well, actually more like hard as books... shit is kinda soft but you get what I'm saying.) It's a bit like sleeping with two softballs under your chest. Like princess and the pea but on steroids. So that sucks.<br />
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And cleavage is overrated. I've never had it before so I've never had the pleasure (?) of sweating between my boobs while exercising. I can't say that I care for it. Also, food drops down in between them now which never happened before. Snacks for later, I guess.<br />
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In other more depressing news, a good friend of mine recently got diagnosed with a similar, but much more aggressive cancer than mine. She's currently preparing to start chemo this week and then double mastectomy in a few months. I am forever thankful I don't need chemo but sad beyond belief that she does. <br />
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All this cancer showing up everywhere with no rhyme or reason has really got me thinking. Thinking about the time we have here on this planet and how to make the most impact. Thinking about the type of person I am and how I want to be remembered. I think, for the most part, I am a good person and do my best to help others when I can. But I know I can do better. I know I fail far more times than I succeed and I often think about things I'd like to do better but then life and work and kids get in the way and I fall back into my old ways and habits. <br />
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I'm making a list of the things that I fail at in hopes that I can look at it on occasion to remind myself where to do better. Here goes....<br />
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1. I fail at calling and visiting my parents. I need to do better at this. In my defense, they both did move far away from me but I still need to make more of an effort to visit them. Calling is easy. I just need to do it.<br />
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2. I fail at calling and visiting my friends. I need to take the time to call not just when I have something in MY life that I want to talk about. It shouldn't always be about me. <br />
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3. I fail at putting the needs of others before my needs. (Except my kids. I'm really good at putting their needs first, even in those times when I shouldn't!) Even when I'm struggling, I have so much more than a lot of people and I should be better at sharing--both my time and resources.<br />
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4. I fail at birthdays and Christmas. I'm horrible. It doesn't always have to be about buying a gift--in fact, it should be less about the gift buying and more about spending time or calling or sending a card.<br />
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5. I need to volunteer more.<br />
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This list is by no means all inclusive--I'm sure there are plenty more ways I could be a better person, but it's a start anyway!<br />
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Have any of you had something happen in your life that makes you think about things differently or try to be a better person? Let's all pick one thing and try to do better just for today. I'm going to call my dad tonight on my way home from work. Share what you did, I'd love to hear. :)<br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-12075433589314613252017-03-13T12:20:00.000-07:002017-03-13T12:20:38.092-07:006 week updateSix weeks? Has it really been six weeks since my surgery? It's hard to believe because I am in such a different place than I was just three weeks ago. So here's what's been going on since my last post--about 3 weeks ago.<br />
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--I'm back to work. Thank goodness, because I am seriously broke. Self-employed and about 5 weeks out of work is not a good combination. The first week and a half back, I worked mostly half days partly because I wanted to ease back into it, and partly because I still had a shit-ton of doctor appointments. All these specialists are over an hour away so it's really a half day off for one appointment. It's a full time job to have cancer. I will say, if I have learned anything from this adventure, is that anyone, I mean ANYONE, is just one medical condition away from being in financial duress. No one is immune to this. And I even have health insurance! For me, it's not the medical bills that are the issue (although I haven't seen the brunt of those come in yet), it's the fact that I never counted on me not being able to work. It never once occurred to me that I could have something happen that prevented me from working. My financial goal going forward, is to put myself in a better position in case I have a recurrence. <br />
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--I'm back to running! After the 4th week post surgery, the doctor gave me the clearance to exercise again! It's been so great to be able to move my body and sweat and exercise again, I can't even tell you. I've probably gained around 5-7 pounds and it will be nice to work that back off. The area under my breasts hurt the most when I started exercising again--the surgeon tells me that's where they sewed in the alloderm (cadaver tissue used in breast reconstruction). That pain has since gone away and I really have no pain at all anymore.<br />
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--I've had two fills to the expanders and even though my breasts feel bigger than they were, the surgeon tells me they are not. (Because clearly I know more than he does, right?) I didn't really believe him until he showed he took out X volume of tissue and we've only put in Y volume of fluid. Huh. Well, ok then. It must just be because they are higher and harder. But seriously, they are like hard gel-filled mounds. It's really a weird sensation. I think I'll probably choose one more fill and call it good. I want to be at least a<i> little </i>bigger than I was prior to surgery, right? And I would totally show you a picture but this is a family friendly blog, so sorry!<br />
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--I don't need to have chemo. What a relief that was. Initially, it wasn't even on my radar since no one had previously suggested that I would need it given that it was not in any lymph tissue on any biopsy. Then I met the oncologist and she wanted to have the Oncotype Dx test done on my tumor so she could make better decisions about what treatment she would recommend to me. I WAS NOT happy about hearing that chemo was a possibility. Fuck that. Basically, the Oncotype Dx looks at the genetic characteristics of my tumor and then assigns a number on a scale that will tell you if chemo might be beneficial in reducing recurrence rates. I had already decided that I was going to decline chemo even if the testing showed that it could be helpful. That was not a road I was prepared to go down. And we were talking reducing recurrence rates from 15-12% to 8-7%. I just didn't think it was worth that. But anyway, my number came in such that chemo would not be beneficial, so Yay. I started tamoxifen and have been on it for a week and haven't had any side effects yet. <crossed fingers><br />
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--I did give up the idea of running the Sugarloaf Marathon in May. I clung on to it for a little thinking that maybe the recovery from surgery wouldn't be that bad. It wasn't that bad, but I am in no way prepared to run a marathon. Half marathon, yes. But full? No way. So rather than defer my entry to next year, I decided to switch to the 15K so that I could run with all my Boothbay friends who are signed up this year. My BQ can wait. Maybe until the next age bracket.... lol<br />
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So basically, things are back to normal ish now. I'm working every day, I'm running or exercising almost every day, kids and husband are back to letting me do most of the housework <roll eyes>. I keep trying to play the cancer card, but it doesn't always work. <br />
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Everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to have my implants put in which drives me crazy because I don't know. I literally have no idea. I guess when the surgeon says it's time, then we decide. I guess I choose a size and then when I get there, we choose the date. I'll let you know though! ha<br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-86409064978211318442017-02-10T11:16:00.000-08:002017-02-10T11:16:03.137-08:00on doing nothingSo apparently, I suck at post-op recovery. <br />
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I pride myself on being able to take care of myself. I don't need help. I don't really want help. And apparently, that is not the way to recover from this surgery.<br />
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I went back on Tuesday (in a snowstorm, of course!) for a follow-up appointment with the plastic surgeon. I was supposed to have the last set of tubes removed and be able to wear a regular sports bra. Unfortunately, the fluid output was too high for him to remove the tubes. <br />
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He started to say something about scheduling an appointment for next week and I almost lost it. That means another weekend in this stupid bra with tubes sticking out of me. Another weekend of no shower. Another weekend of shirts that are big and bulky and another week of being out of work. I swear to God I'm going to kill someone.<br />
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He went through the exam and said that everything was healing nicely and I looked good. But in order to reduce the fluid output, I have to do less. He asked if I was doing housework and increasing my activity. Of course, I was. He said the fluid won't decrease output until I slow down and stop doing things I shouldn't be.<br />
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I don't sit down well. I don't "do nothing" well. It's almost impossible for me to sit and ignore the dishes, laundry, dirty floors, whatever needs to be done. It makes me crazy. But that's the way to get these tubes out.<br />
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He made an appointment for me to see one of his associates on Friday and if I behave, I will be able to get the tubes out. So for three days I'm going to do NOTHING. If my family wants to live in a shit hole, then I guess we will live in a shit hole. If no one does the laundry, then I guess they will just have dirty clothes. Dishes? They can eat with plastic forks and paper plates. I don't care. <br />
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Fast forward three days.<br />
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My output of fluid has been down to less than 30 each day. I have succeeded in not doing anything, nothing at all but watch tv and read. It has been horrible and boring and shitty but these tubes need to be out. There is laundry waiting to be folded. There are some dishes on the counter. But for the most part, the family has stepped up and done the work so I don't feel like I have to. <br />
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And I got the tubes out! <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">So happy! </span></div>
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That's a regular sports bra and NO FUCKING TUBES!!<br />
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I got myself a little bit of a belly roll, but what do you want when you're sitting around for 2 weeks. Still no exercising, no heavy lifting and only light housework. ugh <br />
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But NO TUBES!! <br />
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Oh, and even funnier, I think my temporary boobs with just the expanders in, are bigger than my previous boobs. I haven't even had a fill yet. lmao <br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-46299072685571697502017-02-03T08:01:00.000-08:002017-02-03T08:01:55.455-08:00Post-Surgery UpdateHappy February first! It's a new month and I'm looking forward to moving on. Last Friday I had my double mastectomy and now I'm at home enjoying (?) my recovery. <br />
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Friday we had a 7:00 am arrival at the surgery center down in Scarborough, which is over an hour away from my home. I had to shower the night before with special soap and then again in the morning with the same soap. I assume it was super-duper bacterial killing stuff cause it dried me all out and made me a little red and itchy. </div>
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Anyway, we arrived at 7:00, right on time and proceeded to sit around until 7:50 before they took me in. This would be my only complaint about the whole experience. Why not give me a 7:45 or 7:30 arrival time? There is nothing worse than waiting and waiting chewing the shit out of my cuticles and waiting more to be taken in. </div>
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Once they took me in, things moved along pretty quickly. I met with the plastic surgeon and he got me marked up, the nurse got my IV going, the anesthesiologist came in with her nurse and started my block, my breast surgeon came in to mark where she was taking out the lymph node and then we were ready to go. They gave me something that "relaxed" me, which it did, but it also got me all emotional and I was crying and saying how I didn't want to do this. Thankfully, the kids were at school and it was just my husband and my mom there.</div>
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Fast forward to around 4 in the afternoon and I started to wake up. Not very well, I might add. Super restless, super irritated and just wanted to go back to sleep. I think the surgery itself lasted around 4.5 hours and then I took another 2 or so to come out of it. Time hop for sure.<br />
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They wanted me to get out of bed to pee. Um yah, that wasn't happening. So dizzy and faint every time I would sit up, let alone stand up. That didn't happen until around 11 p.m. <br />
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They had me pretty rigged up with this bra that was like a bullet proof vest. I had wires, batteries, pads, tape, and a shit ton of tubes to drain excess fluid. Super uncomfortable.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> Post surgery--feeling no pain! ha</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Drain tubes sewn into me. Yah, that's super comfortable.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">And the whole thing.</span></div>
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It's kinda hard to find clothes to wear because I don't have a lot of zip up things and I don't buy clothes big so they aren't big enough to tuck all this junk into. I've been wearing my husbands t-shirts so I end up looking like that trailer park old woman whose size EE tits hang down to her waist and she gives no fucks and doesn't wear a decent bra. <br />
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Thank goodness I'm mostly staying home. haha<br />
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I did have my first follow up appointment with the plastic surgeon yesterday and that was great! They took out 2 of the 4 tubes and what a relief that is! He also removed all the tape, batteries and wires so I'm much less encumbered now and oh my god, it feels so much better. Next Tuesday the other drains come out and I get to wear a regular sports bra. I cannot wait!<br />
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I also met with the cancer surgeon doctor yesterday (there are a million doctors to treat just this one breast cancer--they each do a different thing. Jesus, it's hard to keep them all straight). She went over the pathology report from the surgery. All is as we expected--lymph node clear, Stage 1 (although the tumor was larger than they thought), and I should be able to move forward with my normal life. I now have another appointment with a medical oncologist--probably to manage the tamoxifen I will take going forward--genetics to see if I have the genetic marker for breast cancer and still appointments with the plastic surgeon. <br />
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This is a full time job! And of course, all the appointments are in Portland which is about an hour away from my home. #annoyed<br />
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But so far, I've only missed one week of work and I think I'll be able to go back after next week. Unless all these appointments mess me up. I wish they would be a little more accommodating with regard to how far I have to drive and try to work around my schedule a little bit more. It's frustrating to have to take a whole day off to get to one appointment. Especially, going forward, I won't be able to afford to keep missing work. I'm sure I'll figure it out, but boy, that is stressful.<br />
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So double mastectomy isn't as awful as I thought it might be. People in my small town have been incredibly supportive and helpful. It's overwhelming how kind people are. We have had dinners made for us and delivered to our house every night for the past week and for the upcoming week. You cannot imagine what a relief that is. It seems like a small thing, like maybe you aren't doing much for the family and you want to do more, but believe me, having food ready each day is huge. It has been such a help. I haven't had to worry about getting groceries (that I can't carry or drive my car to), I haven't had to cook, there is very little clean up and new and different food is awesome! <br />
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I am so thankful for each and every one of you that has helped our family. Again, it's overwhelming and I have gotten teary on more than one occasion. (I don't cry, so that's a big deal.)<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">my collection of flowers</span></div>
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My dog has been my company this week and I have watched too many episodes of Hoarders (seriously, how do people live like that???). <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">her and my usual spot on the couch</span></div>
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Looking forward to updating next week with NO TUBES and a regular sports bra! Stay tuned! </div>
ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-61178923100090162092017-01-12T11:05:00.000-08:002017-01-12T11:05:56.844-08:00T-2 weeksToday is not a very good day. Most days I go about my business like nothing is even different. Because you know what? I don't feel any different. I don't feel sick. I'm still running 20-30 miles each week. I go to work everyday. I clean my house and feed my kids and it's life as usual. I feel like every conversation I have about my cancer with a doctor or with a friend, I feel like it's a story about someone else. Like I'm reading a book or a news article about someone in the community. <br />
<br />
Someone else. <br />
Not me.<br />
<br />
But it is me. <br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It's Me. I have cancer. </span> <span style="font-size: x-small;">It still feels fake even as I'm typing it.</span><br />
<br />
And today, even though I know that I have the non-aggressive markers, even though I know it's not in my lymph tissue, even though my PCP said it was 100% curable, today, I'm scared. <br />
<br />
My breast surgeon called me two days ago with the results of the MRI I had. I have another spot in the same breast in a different area. It doesn't change the stage of my cancer or anything about the treatment except I now need to go back for another ultrasound. She wants a marker in the spot where the second tumor is. It's another one smaller than 1 cm, but seriously? Another tumor? This really pissed me off. Like it's not bad enough that I'm 46 years old and have one tumor. I need to have two? ugh<br />
<br />
The right breast was clear so that's good at least. It doesn't help me much with my decision about choosing to have a single or double mastectomy, but at least that one is clear. One less tit to worry about, I suppose.<br />
<br />
So today all I can think about is the what ifs. What if I can't work? What if it comes back? What if it's somewhere else and I have no idea because I AM HEALTHY GODDAMN IT!! <br />
<br />
I am supposed to live to be 80 years old and see my kids get married and have kids and graduate college (not necessarily in that order....) etc etc. That's what I am supposed to do. But something like this makes you look at your own mortality at a time when I'm not supposed to have to do that. <br />
<br />
This is probably going to be no big deal. I'll get the surgery, I'll get new boobs and I'll move on. But today I feel a little scared. I don't want all kinds of pity and boo hoo's and sobbing though. That just makes me feel worse. Probably the nicest thing said to me so far was from someone I never would have expected. What was said? I will be there every step. Almost made me cry. Almost.<br />
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Schedule of events for the next two weeks:<br />
<br />
1/18 8:00 a.m.--consultation with plastic surgeon<br />
1/18 2:45 p.m.--another ultrasound and possible biopsy and insertion of clip at other tumor site<br />
1/27 7:00 a.m.--surgery arrival time<br />
<br />
Two weeks from now this will be all over with. <br />
<br />
At least I hope so. I hope there are not any more surprises. <br />
<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-91211421837433300642017-01-02T13:50:00.000-08:002017-01-02T13:50:17.500-08:00bad news that isn't as bad as it could beSo I got to meet with the breast cancer surgeon last Thursday. It actually went quite well. I had a whole list of questions to make sure I asked her, but she was extremely thorough and I didn't even need to consult my list once. She went over every last detail and took a full hour to do so. (I can't even begin to imagine what that cost....)<br />
<br />
The short story is: I have a small <1cm sized invasive ductal carcinoma. It is grade 1 which she explained but now I can't remember what exactly that means. (I do know that it is good!) I am ER/PR + which means that the cancer cells have Estrogen/Progesterone receptors and that is good because then we can use tamoxifen post-surgery to continue to kill the cancer cells if any remain. It is not good in that I have to remove my IUD because it releases estrogen. <span style="font-size: x-small;">boo I have really enjoyed not being pregnant and not having my period for 11+ years now. </span><br />
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It also has -Her2neu which is good because that is a growth factor, negative means it's not growing fast. Lymph nodes are negative and it has a low ki-67/Mib-1 which is also good and means the proliferation index is low. I believe she described this as a look at how quickly a single cog might turn in a machine. <br />
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The tumor is staged at Stage 1--small tumor size, nothing in the nodes and no metastases. <br />
<br />
So, overall, this cancer can be 100% cured. I have to have a complete mastectomy, including the nipple, because the cancer is too near the nipple for her to save it. A complete mastectomy because basically my boob is too small to take the amount of tissue she needs to take and leave a decent cosmetic result after. HAHA She was very professional in the way that she worded that. If I were a DD, then NBD, but since I'm an A--, sorry Charlie, the whole thing has gotta go. Tamoxifen for 5-10 years and I'm good to go.<br />
<br />
I have to have genetic testing to see if I have the breast cancer marker, I need an MRI to look at the right breast in more detail to be sure there is nothing there and I have to meet with plastics to figure out what I want to do for reconstruction. <br />
<br />
I'm a little stuck on what I want to do for reconstruction. I mean, obviously, I want to have an implant put in for the left breast. Plastics will make me a new nipple and that is fine. But what to do about the other boob is where I am stuck. She said the two boobs really have nothing to do with each other and the likelihood of a mutation in my other breast is .2-.5%/year. Pretty unlikely. Genetics will tell me if I have the inherited risk and if that's the case, that number would be different. MRI will tell me if I have any changes in the right one that might warrant removal as well. But assuming they are both normal, I'm not sure what I should do. <br />
<br />
Do I remove it anyway as a precaution and have them both reconstructed so they look alike? Like what 46 year old wouldn't want new perky boobs? amirite? Is the recovery longer/more difficult if I do both? If I choose to just do the one, will they look normal or will one be nice and new and the other old and saggy? Also, if I keep the right breast I have to have an MRI yearly and a mammogram at the 6 month interval. Forever. That's A LOT of follow up.<br />
<br />
I don't know what to do. Honestly, I really don't care about my boobs. I don't care about having big ones or new cleavage or any of that. I really just kinda want to keep my boobs I have now. Unfortunately, that isn't a choice. <br />
<br />
I just want to look normal in a tank or a bra top. That's really all.<br />
<br />
So I've now gotten past the point where I'm pissed and I now have a plan. I know what needs to happen and most of what will happen and I can just get going with getting it all done. I know I'm not going to die from this and I can probably still run my marathon in May and do the relay in June. I will be able to watch my kids' games and bring them to field hockey and basketball and baseball. I'm gonna be able to work and support my family and not worry about my business. And that has made me very relieved. <br />
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Unrelated to the cancer shit, I ran 1049 miles for 2016. I think that is pretty much on track with 2014. I didn't total up 2015 but I'll assume it was higher since I was training for a marathon that year. Probably should have banged out one more measley mile to make it an even 1050, but I said fuck it. <br />
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<b>Races Run in 2016:</b><br />
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--Mid-Winter Classic 10 miler February 1:27:01<br />
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--LLBean 10k on July 4 50:14 </div>
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--Beach to Beacon 10K August 49:58 *new PR 8:03 pace!<br />
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--Race to Respond Relay--7 mile leg from Newcastle to Wiscasset, Maine<br />
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<br />
--Millinocket Half Marathon December (in northern Maine. In 12* weather.) 2:02:xx I should definitely get badass points for that.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">me being very shy about being on the news</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">coming in to the finish. cold af</span></div>
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I'm still an InknBurn ambassador for another 6 months and then they will be cleaning everyone out and getting all new. They have a bunch of cool new stuff so if you haven't checked them out lately, you should. <br />
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Happy New Year to everyone. I had a lot of stuff planned for this year race-wise so I hope I get to do it all. I'll likely be updating here regarding my treatment and surgery and recovery so stay tuned if you want to hear about that.<br />
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Any thoughts on the other boob? New set or just the one?<br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-73297288641215735292016-12-23T09:48:00.001-08:002016-12-23T09:48:28.251-08:002016 sucksSo. Here I am. Back at the blog again, but for a much different reason this time. I'm still running and all that. In fact, I'm signed up for a shit ton of stuff this year. Just ran the Millinocket Half Marathon the other weekend and honestly, that deserves a blog post of its own, but will wait on that for now. <br />
<br />
About 2-3 months ago I noticed that I had a dent in my boob. Well, I noticed that my nipple was pointing a different way. Nothing major. My boobs are old, you know. I'm 46 and breastfed 3 kiddos so you know that takes a toll on the girls. I thought, well, that's weird. But that was it really. I guess this is what my boobs are going to look like now. And didn't really think much of it. <br />
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I don't often see myself without clothes but each time I did, I just kinda thought "oh, well. Poor boob looks weird now" and that was that. <br />
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Last Thursday, for whatever reason, I thought differently. My mind finally had a rational thought and realized--uh, no. This is not just old boobs. Dumbass. Maybe, just maybe, you should get a mammogram. <br />
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So I called the doctor on Friday. Got an appointment (which was an adventure in itself, but not the point of this story so I'll leave it out) and went that afternoon. Of course, he thought it was weird and of course, he agreed that I should have a mammogram. <br />
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Monday--mammogram scheduled at 1:00. Should be about a half hour they said so I moved my schedule around so I could come back to see patients around 1:45. yeah, nope. Multiple pictures and then an ultrasound and shit was getting serious. Biopsy scheduled the next morning 7:15. I am all about doing it now and getting it over with. Who wants to wait around for that shit? Not me.<br />
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The biopsy was not really a big deal, 5 samples with a hole punch like needle thing and that's that. Hurry up and wait for the pathology report. I tried to talk myself into believing it was just a fibrous clump or some boring nothing thing like that, but deep down I had a feeling it wasn't going to be nothing. <br />
<br />
The doctor called me yesterday and confirmed that I have a ductal cell carcinoma. Low grade. Which is guess is "better". Whatever that means. Off to the cancer care center I go. Merry fucking Christmas to me.<br />
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I laugh at the irony of this since I don't smoke, I don't drink, I exercise almost daily, eat pretty decently and I am not overweight. But yet, I get this. Hardly seems fair. And you know what, I don't have time for any of this shit. I don't. I don't even have time to wrap the fucking christmas presents and now I have to find time for surgery and radiation and god knows what else. <br />
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2016 has sucked balls and I am so done with it. Fuck you 2016. I'm pretty sure I don't deserve any of this stuff I've had to deal with this year. But yet, here I am. <br />
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I hope 2016 treated you better than it treated me. <br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-31017478770375446892015-09-23T08:33:00.000-07:002015-09-23T08:33:00.982-07:00May-August ReviewWow. I guess I really have been lazy in writing blog posts this summer. It appears as though I haven't done any mileage review since April. Shame on me.<br />
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I have been running though. And still quite a bit!<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">May</span></b><br />
113.2 miles run<br />
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The big deal about May was I completed my first marathon! Yay me. Race report <a href="http://ltlindian.blogspot.com/2015/05/maine-coast-marathon-in-which-i-emerge.html">HERE</a> if you care to read about it. Basically, it was hot as hell, long and annoying at times. I killed the first half and crashed and burned the second half. Overall finish time 4:08 and change. Not a BQ but a very respectable first marathon finish. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>June</b></span><br />
79.13 miles run<br />
135 minutes of biking<br />
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My first month that was less than 100 miles since the beginning of the year. I guess that's ok the month after a marathon. Still, I was kinda bummed I didn't reach 100.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>July</b></span><br />
75 miles run<br />
220 minutes biking<br />
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Another low mileage month. Summer is busy people! I'm not sure why, but even with all the extra sunlight, it was super hard to find time to run. I did run a half marathon that month and had a respectable finish on another god-awful hot day. I also broke my 10K pr at the LLBean Fourth of July race. Race report <a href="http://ltlindian.blogspot.com/2015/07/llbean-fourth-of-july-10k-recap.html">HERE</a>. That day was humid too. Lots of hot and humid weather this summer.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>August</b></span><br />
92.06 miles run<br />
135 minutes biking<br />
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Not a single run over 6 miles in this month but lots of shorter ones and I guess if you do enough shorter runs, they total up to a lot. Just short of 100 but still a respectable mileage total. <br />
<br />
August was my birthday month and I'm now a fabulous 45 years old. It's hard to believe that I'm 45. I don't feel 45, I don't think I look 45 and I certainly don't act 45. <span style="font-size: xx-small;">What does 45 act like anyway?</span> <br />
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50 is just around the corner and I really just can't believe I'm almost there. It's really true what everyone says about getting old. You feel the same way you felt at 20, but you clearly aren't. In my mind, I'm still that same girl, but on the outside things just aren't what they used to be. I hate it. Getting old is not fun. But at the same time, I like being alive too so I suppose the alternative isn't any better. <br />
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I can totally get why people have a mid-life crisis. Thank God running keeps me sane.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">kids got me a selfie stick for my birthday! best present EVER!</span></div>
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Ooooh! In other exciting news, I got chosen to be an InknBurn ambassador! I love their gear and have been applying for 3 years now. Finally! I got chosen. Woo!<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">where it all started..... with the peacock skirt!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> dragonfly on my friend and I</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Yup. It's a fish tank tank</span></div>
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Their clothes are different and cool and I love them. No one looks like me when I wear them. Like seriously? Who has a fish tank tank? <br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GrxPVnSrEgA/VgG5BWmnlNI/AAAAAAAAp2c/GR2T77S2ZBY/s1600/robot.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GrxPVnSrEgA/VgG5BWmnlNI/AAAAAAAAp2c/GR2T77S2ZBY/s320/robot.JPG" width="294" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">seriously now. Are they not the coolest??</span></div>
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Who doesn't want to look like a robot? Their stuff is all made in the USA, hand printed, cut and sewn. It's a bit more expensive, but it is so worth it. The colors never fade, the designs are unique and different. You will not look like everyone else.<br />
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Check them out at inknburn.com.<br />
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I hope you all had a great summer like I did! Another year older. Another PR. Another grey hair. <span style="font-size: xx-small;">or 50......</span><br />
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Thanks for reading. Hopefully, I'll be back at it a little more frequently now.<br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-19096207405423115962015-09-21T10:30:00.001-07:002015-09-21T19:01:01.355-07:00Portland Trails to Ale 10K ReviewHey there! Remember me? I used to blog here about running and biking and life and stuff. Well, I'm still running and biking and life-ing and stuff, I just haven't written any of it down here on my blog. <br />
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I guess I didn't really think any of it being blog-worthy. <br />
Or I'm lazy.<br />
Or I think my life is boring and couldn't come up with anything clever to say.<br />
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But here I am again. <br />
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Even if it's not interesting or funny, I need to keep writing here because first of all, it keeps track of all my miles for me! Secondly, I had no idea that I broke my 10K PR TWICE this summer. Until I just looked at my lonely blog this morning, I didn't have a clue. I've taken 2 minutes off the damn thing! <br />
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Anyway. Back at it. I need to review my entire summer but I'll first do this race and get back to that later this week. Or month. Whatever.<br />
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So yesterday was the Portland Trails to Ale 10K. Our high school cross country coach (who is damn fast btw), wanted to get a team together from Boothbay for this race. Top 3 finishing men and women's time combine and whichever team has the fastest time wins. The men pretty much had it in the bag because we have some FAST men in our area and some pretty fast women too! (I am not one of those, but somehow I was on the team anyway. :) Charity, I suppose. haha)<br />
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No real training for this race other than the usual running with my best running buddy, Stacey. Who, BTW, just had her Boston Registration accepted! Yesssss!! <br />
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Race start time was 9:00 which was perfect so I didn't need to get up at the ass crack of dawn. We left at 6:30 to drive to Portland and find parking, which we were able to find off street kinda near the start. As I got out of the car, I noticed a cat outside, not on a leash, just hanging out in the middle of the city. It was in front of a townhouse -sorta thing, but I was really surprised to see the cat just hanging out. Wouldn't you think it would get run over? <br />
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I hoped he wasn't a stray but my daughter went over to him and he was the nicest, purring, loving cat ever. He rubbed all over us and purred. My daughter noticed he had a collar and checked it--Scooby. hahaha! Love it. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Cat selfies are hard to do when the cat keeps rubbing all over your phone....</span></div>
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I had followed my friends and teammates, Stacey and Sara, down to Portland and then ran into my other running friends, Danielle and Sarah before the start. They were part of another team--but more of that later.<br />
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Danielle and Sarah went to go "warm-up" and run 2 miles, (I cannot see any point of that! Run 2 miles before running another 6? Silliness.) so we milled around the start area trying to find the rest of our team. The guys were apparently out running and warming up too (again, more silliness). <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">most of the girls</span></div>
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And then finally everyone was done with their foolishness and we got a most-of-the-team pre-race photo.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">dudes on either end are FAST!</span></div>
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Peninsula Pounders. Cause we're all from Boothbay. Which is a peninsula. And we pound the pavement. Get it? #soclever<br />
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9:00 we lined up to race and then BAM! Gun went off. No warning. No ready, set, go or anything. Just bang! Ok then. Time to run. <br />
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Weather was coolish but a little humid and everyone was worried I'd be hot in a long sleeve, but I hate to be cold so I didn't change. The course was down hill for the first mile or so and then very flat. The "trail" part of the race was a gravel walking path around the bay in Portland. To call it a trail is a stretch, so if you are looking for a true trail race, this is not it. <br />
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Stacey took off ahead of me and even though we usually run together at the same pace, she was off like a shot this time. Makes me think she is running slower to run with me 90% of the time........ Anyway, that left me running alone with no Garmin. I did have my stopwatch going but the miles weren't marked until Mile 3 so I had no idea of what my splits were. I guess that's better for me. Not knowing. Just run on feel. <br />
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Pretty uneventful run. I did feel like I was working hard for the first 4 miles. There was a constant headwind. Like seriously. We'd turn a corner and there was headwind. Around the next bend, headwind. I thought it would never end. It was like running with a rubber band that someone had attached to you from behind. <br />
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The last mile was super nasty as we run by the sewer treatment plant and I don't know if they were mixing up the shit or what, but holy hell, it was frickin stinky. Just what you want to smell at Mile 5 of a 6 mile race. Gag. I passed a bunch of people anyway on that last stretch and for the finish I could see my friend and teammate, Brian, and he was cheering loudly when he saw me. I sprinted that last bit and finished somewhere around 51:00. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">awkward finish photos FTW!</span></div>
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Apparently, I am the master at awkward finish photos. Not just one, but TWO! At least my outfit rocked. And I actually look kinda muscley in that top one. <br />
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There was pizza and beer (hence the trails to ALES) at the end. I had pizza but since I don't drink, I skipped the ale part. I did hang around for the awards since the print out showed I came in 4th in my age group and our team did pretty well. The cross country coach came in 2nd overall and 3 of our men were not far behind him. I knew two of our women finished in under 50 so that's pretty good too. I thought we would place for the team and I wondered if I might get third because the overall winner looked like she was about my age and that would pull her out of the age group awards.<br />
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We ended up with 3rd in the team division. Turns out Danielle's team had a bunch of younger runners who were overall faster even though us old fogies won a bunch of age group awards. Damn those young whipper snappers! <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">all the team minus 1 female</span></div>
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I didn't end up with 3rd (BOO)<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span>so we left right after the awards. <br />
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But wait! I looked up the results later on just to see what my actual finish time was. Check this out:<br />
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See me, number 4? My time is the same exact time as #3, but I have a faster split and a faster gun time! I should have been the 3rd place winner dammit! Her name came up first, so they gave it to her. I was robbed! I want my damn bottle opener! To open bottles of beer that I don't even drink! <br />
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Well, whatever. I'm not bitter. <span style="font-size: xx-small;">I am bitter.</span><br />
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My first big race that I actually won something, and I didn't. Wah.<br />
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But I did get a great time--50:57. One less headwind away from breaking 50..... Next time.<br />
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All in all Portland Trails to Ale was a fun race, great atmosphere and I had a good time with my local running friends. Sign me up for next year! Although I'll be checking the finishing times much more carefully.......<br />
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***Edited after posting the original blog post***<br />
I wanted to update you all regarding my missed 3rd place award. I wrote to the race director to inquire about the tied times and she agreed that we should have tied, then forwarded it on the the timing company to have them correct it. She then forwarded me the explanation from the timing company as to why there wasn't a tie. Here is his response (I paraphrased some):<br />
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"All events use net times to score their runners so that the person who runs the fastest from start line to finish line will receive the nod in close finishes. As for the "tie", by USTAF rules, times should be rounded up to the next whole second so that the chance of a is remote and Liz had a net time that was actually about a full half second faster than Michelle. So, she was properly listed as the third finisher in her age division."<br />
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So, wah. I guess even though you can't tell by the posted times, it sounds like I didn't get third. <br />
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However, the race director is still happy to recognize the tied finish time and award me a medal. <br />
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I may or may not go get it since I feel a bit like a crybaby and that I'm getting a participation medal to shut me up. <br />
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It was a valid question though, wasn't it? <br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-49311855707128618672015-08-12T07:07:00.000-07:002015-08-12T07:07:56.872-07:00NEDA walk and supporting a friend<b>Be kind, because everyone is a fighting a battle that you know nothing about.</b><br />
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That quote had more meaning for me this past winter as I learned of a good friend who was struggling with an Eating Disorder. I had no idea. Not a single clue. <br />
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I thought she was this extremely motivated badass runner. A super strong fitness freak. Someone who I wished I could be like, have her muscles and fitness level. <br />
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She actually IS all those things. Just with anexoria, bulimia and body dysmorphia. <br />
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After 4 years of suffering with the disease and another 6-9 months of active therapy both in house and out patient, she is now on her way to recovery. If you care to read about her journey thus far, (and I recommend that you do! She is an excellent writer and her story is compelling. I learned so much from her), please check out her blog<u> <a href="http://dori30c.blogspot.com/2015/06/finding-my-voice.html">here. </a></u><br />
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She has been very honest and open with her struggles and thus is very easy to offer support and help her on her journey to recovery.<br />
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So the answer was obvious when she asked her friends to come walk with her on her team "Recovery Warriors" at the NEDA walk last Saturday. Of course, I said YES and I actually got my 2 teen daughters to come with me too. I did bribe them with shopping afterward, but whatever.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> Team Recovery Warriors!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">homemade shirts for Doreen!</span></div>
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The walk raised over $9000 for NEDA here in Maine and our team alone raised $705. We met some really special people, heard some really tough stories and all walked in honor of all those recovering. There are even therapy guinea pigs and my daughters bonded with them! Mumu and Lulu came on the walk as well in their little red wagon. Hysterical.<br />
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We walked 2 miles, slowly, since many of the walkers are still in active recovery and are not allowed to exercise (things I would never have thought of....).<br />
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It was a beautiful day to support a dear friend and I'm really glad we did. And if you suspect someone of an eating disorder, by all means, please call them out. Direct them to NEDA and the support system of doctors and therapists that they have. There is help available. <br />
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NEDA<br />
<ul>
<li><strong>1-800-931-2237</strong></li>
<li><strong>http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/</strong></li>
<li><strong>Doreen's blog--please read http://dori30c.blogspot.com/2015/06/finding-my-voice.html </strong></li>
</ul>
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-79313643943988840942015-07-09T11:27:00.000-07:002015-07-09T11:27:31.982-07:00LLBean Fourth of July 10K RecapLLBean hosts a Fourth of July 10K road race every year, and it is pretty huge! The race is capped at 1,600 runners and that's a pretty big race for Maine. I have never done it, mostly because it's always hotter than the surface of the sun on July 4th and also because I have feared the traffic getting home. I have to drive through Wiscasset to get back to Boothbay Harbor and in the summer, traffic is backed up MILES, all because of one stupid little food shack.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">see that shack to the left? and see the traffic coming from the north? it's that bad coming from the south as well</span></div>
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So basically, I'm scared to death of being stuck in traffic in Wiscasset. Unless you leave at 6 am and want to return at 8 pm, you are likely to be sitting in that mess. Not exactly my idea of fun on 4th of July.<br />
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Anyway, I decided at the last minute to run this race when Danielle basically told me to. You know, Danielle, that helps me make really excellent life choices, like running a marathon. And running up and down a mountain for 6, 9 and 12 miles for a hoodie. Yeah. That Danielle. Everyone needs a friend like Danielle. :)<br />
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I did nothing to prepare for this race. I knew nothing about this race other than it's so damn hot as you finish and all the fast Mainers run it. Way to be prepared, right?<br />
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I left my house at 6, arrived in Freeport around 6:50. Parked very easily at CVS, which is right at the start and finish. #win! Walked right to bib/shirt pick up and then found Danielle and her husband, who she also dragged to this race. Selfie of course. #duh<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Of course, I totally wore all the red, white and blue for the 4th. </span> </div>
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It was cool to start but a bit humid. Kinda, almost perfect. It would have been the ideal temperature if there was a little less humidity. But alas, we can't have everything, can we? <br />
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Danielle and Tyler were talking about his training for this race (or lack thereof) and there was some mention of the route. Me: Oh, is it flat? Danielle: Um, no. Shows me the elevation plot which looks like a bunch of downhill for 3 miles and a bunch of uphill for 3 miles. Fab.<br />
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Turns out I don't mind hills when I haven't already run 20 miles. <br />
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The race starts right on time and off we go. No watch. No nothing. Just running with 1,200 of my friends. <br />
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Mile 1: downhill, cool and fast for me for sure. clock said 8:07 and that was gun time, not chip time. eek<br />
Mile 2: feels similar pace to me but really no idea. Just running.<br />
Mile 3: another clock says 24:xx. wow. super duper fast for me. just thinking I'm going to crash and burn once the uphills start.<br />
Mile 4: hills aren't so horrible. I mean, there's a hill and all but really nothing worse than what I regularly run in Boothbay Harbor. <br />
Mile 5: some flat some hill. again, whatever. just running still. I come up behind my local tri hero--Angela Bancroft. She's running with her son. I start feeling pretty badass that I'm even anywhere near her pace-wise, but then also realize her son is probably 11 and she's probably running a bit slower than her usual pace. Whatever. Still feeling badass. I talk to her for a bit (SHE'S SO NICE! gush gush), feel a bit stalker-ish but she didn't seem to care, and then moved on.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">clearly I win at race photos #sophotogenic</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">so patriotic though. at least my outfit is on point</span></div>
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Mile 6: Angela and her son pass me (dammit!) and we are on the long stretch of Main Street to the finish line. This is where the sun is usually brutal and everyone complains of how hot it is, but today there is a bit of cloud cover and it's really not so bad. Still just running with everyone around me. A few pass me, and I pass a few.<br />
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Finish: Clock says 50:47. I'm feeling pretty damn proud of myself since that's about a 2 minute PR on what people consider a 'difficult' course. BAM.<br />
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Final chip time ended up being 50:25 at an 8:07 pace. <br />
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Say what?? 8:07 pace?? Since when do I run that fast?<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">yet another fabulous finish photo for me. I do look a smidge better than the guy in pain in the front. only because you can't see my face very well</span></div>
<br />
381/1242 overall<br />
15/101 in my age group<br />
<br />
Went directly from the finish line to my car and headed home. I was back in my driveway by 9:20 a.m. Not too shabby. Missed Wiscasset traffic <i>and </i>the parade. I'd call that a win!<br />
<br />
Overall, I really enjoyed this race. It was well organized, easy to get to and park, a decent route, the weather was nice and I had a great finish time. I will definitely do this race again next year now that I know I can get home without being stuck in traffic hell. The registration was really inexpensive--$25 which includes the nice shirt you see on the dude in pain in the last picture above. It's a tech shirt and had a nice cut for the women. I believe if you signed up early enough, there was a lottery for sneakers or socks. <br />
<br />
<br />
Well done, LLBean! Thanks for a fun race!<br />
<br />
<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-48714942637022373572015-06-22T11:05:00.000-07:002015-06-22T11:05:56.308-07:00a shout out to the assholeHey you! yeah you! The asshole in the white Volvo that felt the need to yell at me while running today. Why don't you suck it. Just suck it. <br />
<br />
So today, like so many other days at lunch time, I went out for my run. I usually run from my office to the local high school and back which is about 4 miles. The roads I run on are local town roads except for two times when I cross Business Route 1 (which is kinda a main street in our town) and then actually run on it near the high school. But otherwise, all you city people would laugh and consider this town and its roads like being in the country. <br />
<br />
Anyway, I left and went out on my run. I pass the ONE street light in town, and the ONE fast food chain, and head down a back road that cuts behind the main road. As I'm running I come up on two girls on the right side of the road. One is walking, the other is riding a bike. I am on the left side running against traffic. <br />
<br />
There is only us and this one white Volvo coming towards me. I look as he passes me because he has to slow down a bit, and he is screaming at me and waving his hands frantically as he goes by me basically motioning for me to run in the ditch. <br />
<br />
Fuck you, Mr. Volvo. Fuck you.<br />
<br />
Here's a bunch of reasons I say fuck you.<br />
<br />
1. You do not own this public road. It is not your private driveway. I can run on it too.<br />
2. I do not have to run in the ditch just so you don't have to slow down to pass me.<br />
3. Speed limit was 25 anyway, So sorry you had to slow from 45 to 40. Pardon me.<br />
4. I'm pretty sure that my business, which is in this exact town, pays at least three times more than any property tax bill you might pay. At that's if you even live in Damariscotta.<br />
5. We all know that you were speeding through the back roads to avoid the traffic on the main street. So I apologize if you could not get to your Big Mac 20 seconds earlier.<br />
<br />
Basically, you suck at life if you feel the need to yell at someone running on their lunch hour, on a back road because you had to slow down a little. <br />
<br />
Take your road rage to Massachusetts or DC or somewhere where it fits in. <br />
<br />
<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-57384821543898602502015-05-11T20:03:00.000-07:002015-05-11T20:03:12.518-07:00Maine Coast Marathon--in which I emerge from the gates of hell to gain superstar status (or so I think)Maine Coast Marathon was yesterday, Mother's Day, and it was a doozey. We will get to that in a bit, because first, there was prom! <br />
<br />
Back when I signed up for the marathon, prom was supposed to be the following weekend. Once I signed up, they changed it to the same weekend. Fabulous timing. But really, it didn't matter too much because who actually sleeps before a race anyway? Not me.<br />
<br />
But I digress...<br />
<br />
Prom. Yes back to that. Somehow I actually managed to pull off all the things on my list of shit to do on Saturday that I planned out in the last blog. I did run 4 miles, get to baseball, host a bunch of people (with food) and managed to remain sane. <br />
<br />
One small crisis with sticky boobs, but really that was it. The girls all looked beautiful, the boys shot some guns, (yes, we are rednecks) and all the parents enjoyed some food and company. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> cause who doesn't shoot guns in their tux? #totallynormal</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">having some trouble with the boutonniere</span> </div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HfWlNA1JXlY/VVDxhco1q7I/AAAAAAAAnKQ/hEv_Pi0lw_0/s1600/sydevanprom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HfWlNA1JXlY/VVDxhco1q7I/AAAAAAAAnKQ/hEv_Pi0lw_0/s400/sydevanprom.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">my favorite</span></div>
<br />
That's my baby! wah.<br />
<br />
Anyway, with them all off to prom safely it was time to get ready for my <i><b>marathon </b></i>the next day. The weather has been kinda eh these last few days but Sunday was predicted to be sunny 80* and humid. Fan-freakin-tastic. Nothing like training in snowpocalypse and then running in hell. So much for acclimation. <br />
<br />
Thankfully, I had received a new tank to wear in the mail so at least I could look like a rock star. You know that old saying, "don't do anything new on race day"? Well, I pretty much ignored that and was going to wear this tank anyway. Turns out this was maybe not the best decision, but I sure did look good!!<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> flat Michelle</span></div>
<br />
<br />
New fish tank tank from InkNBurn (LOVE), tried and true Altra Torin sneakers, favorite black shorts and Rev 3 visor. <br />
<br />
After very little sleep, 4:45 arrived and it was time to get up. I packed all the race clothes and supplies I could think of just in case the weather changed. I even remembered the Body Glide this year! My buddies and I hopped in my car and we were off!<br />
<br />
The start was about 1:30 away from our house and another runner friend offered the use of his driveway to park my car. Otherwise, we would have needed to park at the finish and take the shuttle to the start, adding another 45 minutes onto our morning. That would have been a REALLY early wake up call. Thank you so much my new best friend, Dan!! <br />
<br />
We walked the short walk to Kennebunk High School which is where the race started. Of course, we snapped a selfie on the way. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">probably the only selfie I look half decent in</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">best running buddies ever--Stacey, me, Lauren</span></div>
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Right at the high school, I ran into my other running friends, Speedy McFast aka Sara and Mr-Ironman aka her husband Eric. Sara had raced the half marathon yesterday and was taking on the marathon today to complete the 39.3 challenge. Amazing and crazy all at the same time!<br />
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Eric was to be spectator extraordinaire today and he sure was! I saw him at least 3 times and he cheered for me each time! Yay for Eric and spectators!!<br />
<br />
The race started right on time at 7:30 after the playing of the National Anthem (for which I proceeded to get all teary eyed during per usual). It was already warm at the start so I unloaded my shirt onto Eric for safekeeping. Thanks Eric!<br />
<br />
And we were off!<br />
<br />
My plan was really no plan--it had gone back and forth between starting around 9's and then trying to negative split or going out with Stacey at 8:30's ish and keeping with her until I couldn't and then trying not to crash and burn. Starting at 9's felt slow so I decided to get to Stacey and go with her. <br />
<br />
Mile 1: 8:26<br />
Mile 2: 8:29<br />
Mile 3: 8:40<br />
Mile 4: 8:33<br />
Mile 5: 8:24<br />
Mile 6: 8:37<br />
<br />
These miles felt easy and great! Really. I felt awesome. The temp was perfect and the run through Kennebunk was pretty. It was around Mile 6 that I started to feel some discomfort under my arms. My very fancy and pretty new tank was rubbing and starting to chafe. Fack. 20 miles was a long way to suffer with chaffing. I texted my friend Danielle to see if she could grab some body glide to save the day.<br />
<br />
Mile 7: 8:30<br />
Mile 8: 8:29<br />
Mile 9: 8:18<br />
<br />
We were right behind the 3:45 pacer. I actually could not believe that this is where I was running. It was so easy. So comfortable. other than my underarms. Danielle texted back to check at the aid stations, they should have vasoline. Brilliant! Day saved. kinda.<br />
<br />
Mile 10: 8:34<br />
Mile 11: 8:26<br />
Mile 12: 8:53<br />
<br />
This is where I asked about Vasoline. They had some, just not out. Dammit! I lost a bit waiting for them to get it out for me. I slathed it on then ran off to catch up with Stacey. After that aid station and trying to catch up with her, I felt myself starting to slow. She went ahead and I stayed a little behind.<br />
<br />
Mile 13: 8:49<br />
<br />
Danielle was here around this mile marker and jumped in to save me. Stacey was ahead and I knew I was done running with her for the day. She was off to get her BQ and I did not want her to wait on me. Danielle ran the next few miles with me and chattered away which was great. I didn't have to speak and she did all the talking. It was a nice distraction since running was starting to get hard here.<br />
<br />
Oh, I should mention that my half marathon split was the fucking bomb! I killed my PR by about 3 minutes. <span style="font-size: large;">1:52:02.</span> Bam! Take that bitches! Maybe I should have run the half the day before and called it good. Oh, well. Too late now. Still another 13.1 to go. Jokes on me.<br />
<br />
Mile 14: 9:05<br />
Mile 15: 9:10<br />
Mile 16: 9:31<br />
<br />
I think this was the first hill that I walked. It was the beginning of the downward spiral into hell.<br />
<br />
Mile 17: 9:26<br />
<br />
Danielle jumped off around here to try to get to the finish for other people she was helping and rooting for. I sadly, went on alone. I think she really helped me keep pace here as it was starting to get super hot and my legs were wanting to be done.<br />
<br />
Mile 18: 10:54<br />
Mile 19: 9:38<br />
Mile 20: 10:03<br />
Mile 21: 11:21<br />
Mile 22: 10:45<br />
Mile 23: 11:07<br />
<br />
This group of miles totally sucked balls. It was so damn hot, we were away from the ocean running on this boring ass road. Bugs were getting me. Black friggin flies. Wtf. Seriously? Black flies? I was not mentally prepared for bugs. It pissed me off. There were some hills here and I walked all of them. I was adopting the "try to run a mile, then walk a half mile" method. It morphed into "run as far as you can, then walk until you are too embarrassed to keep walking then try to run again" mode. I walked all the aid stations and was taking water and gatorade every time.<br />
<br />
I cannot remember where it was but somewhere around Mile 20? there was a man and his wife handing out popsicles. I got the last one. I swear I almost kissed them both. I have never enjoyed a red popsicle more than I did at that moment. It literally saved my life. Or felt like it at the time.<br />
<br />
It was also during this group of miles that I had a man and another woman that kept passing me when I walked, then I would pass them when they walked. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be of any interest but the man was the most smelly man I have ever smelled in my life and the woman had this frankenstein run/shuffle thing going on that drove me batshit crazy. Each time the man would pass (or I passed him) I would literally get slapped in the face with his body odor. It was unbearable, in that I would hold my breath each time he passed me. <br />
<br />
Really bad. I promise. <br />
<br />
The woman with her clop/shuffle thing drove me nuts because she wouldn't get out of the damn dirt on the shoulder and it made this noise that made me want to push her in the ditch just to get it to stop. The man finally went far enough ahead of me that I was free of that stench and the woman dropped behind me so the torture was over. At least the noise and smell torture. The other tortures would continue, like the raw spots under my arms…..<br />
<br />
I stopped at one aid station for water and gatorade, around mile 22?, not sure cause it's all a overheated blur, and I saw the 4:00 pacer pass me. I almost cried. Then I was pissed. Then I said fuck it. My 3:55 was clearly a pipe dream at this point, but I still had a 15 minute buffer to keep my B race goal (which was really my A race goal cause I kinda knew there was no way in hell I could get a 3:55 on my first marathon). So I just set myself to finish this bitch and be done with it. I seriously would have lost my shit if the 4:15 pacer had gone by me. Thank God that didn't happen.<br />
<br />
Mile 24: 10:36<br />
Mile 25: 11:39<br />
Mile 26: 11:07<br />
<br />
The last 3 miles to the finish were really, really hard. The terrain wasn't particularly difficult but my hamstrings hurt really bad, the chaffing was almost unbearable and my toes were killing me too. The path to the finish was cool in that it was a walking path under the road and plenty of spectators were lined up along that path cheering. It really pushed to me to finish strong.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">badass status</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">I had no idea my legs could look that good!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">marathon training for the win!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">so happy! the most happy!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Finish time: 4:08:37! Yeah baby!!</span></div>
<br />
After I crossed the finish I got my water bottle and just sat. And laid down and sat some more. Then tried to get up and decided that wasn't the best idea since I felt dizzy and wanted to barf. So there was more sitting down.<br />
<br />
I found out my friend Stacey had finished in 3:54 ish so she made her BQ time! I was so happy for her!! It turns out she also won her age group!! We hung around and watched our other buddy, Lauren finish. I tried to get up again and wasn't doing so well, so I got some help to the medic tent just to make sure I was ok. <br />
<br />
They took my vitals while I got to sit in a shaded tent with an ice bag on my head. It felt divine. The doctor took my blood pressure and said 96/80, I said isn't that strange? She said yup. I can't say that was the answer I wanted to hear.... But her diagnosis was dehydration and not death so I guess I was going to survive. Honestly, just sitting in the shaded tent was all I needed.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">three happy finishers!</span></div>
<br />
I need to thank these ladies for all their support and help while training this god-awful winter. Who knew when we were running in snow and 12* weather that it would be 85* and humid for the race. Zero time for acclimation. Just jump right into hell and run there. Well, we all did it, and finished! These ladies made 20 mile training runs fun. Well, maybe not fun, but bearable. And Danielle, my cheerleader in another town, just makes my life better. Believing in me when I didn't, sending me cards in the mail that make me laugh and cry with happiness and always helping me to make poor life decisions. <br />
<br />
Overall finish 265/702<br />
Female 109/380<br />
Age Group 11/53<br />
<br />
I am pretty damn proud of myself and my first marathon effort! And I may or may not be looking at another flat/fast marathon in the next few months…… shhhhh!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-46486706064927001992015-05-04T09:14:00.000-07:002015-05-04T09:14:52.386-07:00April's Miles and Marathon Month!!!!!So. Here it is.<br />
<br />
Countdown week until the Maine Coast Marathon on Sunday. <br />
<br />
Hard to believe it's this weekend already. Time flies when it's winter for SIX STRAIGHT MONTHS. hashtag not.<br />
<br />
Anyhoo--run down for the month of April.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">128.12 </span>Miles logged for April. The majority of those being outside and virtually none on the treadmill. Thank you sweet baby Jesus.<br />
<br />
I've managed to log over 100 miles/month every month this year so far. Turns out long runs of 15-20 miles weekly will jump up your average quite a bit. huh. <br />
<br />
Average pace for the majority of those runs has been in the 9:00-9:30 range, with the exception of the two 20 milers in which the wheels fell off the bus (so to speak) and the average of the last few miles dropped considerably to 10:30-11:00. <span style="font-size: x-small;">not gonna BQ with a pace like that....</span><br />
<br />
I will asterisk that by adding that both of those 20 milers were done in Boothbay Harbor and all its horrendous hills. Hills that blacken toes and chew up quads and blister feet and suck the will to live right out of you. So I would counter that even though the pace was slower, the effort given was similar to a flat 20 miler at a 9:00 pace. At least that is what I keep telling myself.<br />
<br />
So here is what I'm hoping to accomplish this Sunday as far as finishing times:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">A Race--</span>the all things rainbows and unicorns race, the buy a lottery ticket cause this shit ain't ever gonna happen again race:<br />
<br />
3:55 or below. Preferably, 3:53 if I'm anywhere close to this number so there won't be a chance of BQing and then not making the lottery. Cause that would totally suck balls. <br />
<br />
Chances of this happening--.001%<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">B Race--</span>this race that would be a really excellent first marathon for me and the one I should be super-duper proud of but won't be because it's kinda close to BQing but not really. <br />
<br />
4:00-4:10<br />
<br />
Chances of this happening--50%<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">C Race--</span>the race that will most likely happen because _________________ (insert whatever variable here that can fuck you up on race day: rain, heat, wall hitting, barfing, cramping, not enough water, too much water, not enough fuel, too much fuel, chaffing, blisters, sun, whatever, You get the picture.)<br />
<br />
4:25 and longer<br />
<br />
Chances of this happening--50%<br />
<br />
<br />
So there you have it. Now that I've said this I'll probably shit the bed and finish in 5 hours and I'll have to never blog again because I'll be so embarrassed about it.<br />
<br />
And now begins the process of checking the weather every single second of every single day. Right now it's showing thunderstorms. Fan-freaking-tastic. And other than weather checking, this is what is on the agenda for this week:<br />
<br />
Monday--rest. hmm maybe a 3 miler. We will see. work.<br />
<br />
Tuesday--7 miles, work.<br />
<br />
Wednesday--5 miles, work and daughter's lax game<br />
<br />
Thursday--work, no running.<br />
<br />
Friday--5 miler, work, packet pickup and expo<br />
<br />
Saturday:<br />
7:00 am--4 miles<br />
9:00 am--son's baseball game<br />
12:00 pm--daughter's hair appointment<br />
2:00 pm--host 15+ people at my house for a pre-prom party with food and drinks while the girls get ready for prom. Stab forks into my eyes.<br />
5:00 pm--if no rain, go to the waterfront for prom pictures. Cry.<br />
6:00-11:00 pm--go home and wander aimlessly around the house trying to prepare for a marathon the next day all the while wondering how prom is going and if she's having fun and blah blah blah.<br />
11:00 pm--daughter gets home and then I can try to go to sleep.<br />
<br />
Sunday:<br />
4:45 am--wake up<br />
5:15 leave for MARATHON!!!!!<br />
7:30 race begins<br />
11:23 finish race and BQ baby! yah right.<br />
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<br />
Feel free to stalk me if you so desire. My bib number is 1395. If you download the Race Joy app, I believe you can follow me there. <br />
<br />
See you on the other side!<br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-42728026250554328182015-04-09T10:02:00.000-07:002015-04-09T10:11:49.261-07:00March Miles and Beaver SightingsSo the calendar says "spring" but the weather here in Maine is still <strike>shit</strike> winter. It's opening day for the local semi-pro baseball team and we get 4" of snow. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">welcome to Maine! fuck you!</span></div>
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<br />
Seriously, Mother Nature. You suck. Or in the words of my 9 year old son this morning, "Mother Nature is a butthole". <br />
<br />
Yes. Yes she is.<br />
<br />
Anyway, despite the craptastic weather that we've been having, I seem to be able to still rack up the running miles. <br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">138.65!!</span><br />
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Which included 4 long runs of 16, 14, 20 and 17 miles. Just one month ago the longest run I had ever done was a half marathon. Now, a half marathon seems like an "easy" day. Go figure.<br />
<br />
20 miles sucked and was ugly and took me close to 3:30 to finish so I have no idea how I think I might finish a full marathon in 4 hours, but you never know.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">me hating all things running</span></div>
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Boothbay Harbor is the land of all the hills so a flat course might be in my favor. With my luck it will likely rain like hell or be sunny and 80*. Either way, I'm sure to die, vomit, curse, dehydrate, chafe and slog to a +4:00 finish. On Mother's Day. Cause what else would I want to do on Mother's Day?<br />
<br />
So enough of all this mileage shit and marathon talk. Let's get down to the real reason you are reading this blog. Unless you care about me and running, the reason you are here is to find out what the heck I'm doing talking about beavers. And you likely have your mind in the gutter. And you'd likely to be right on with that thinking.<br />
<br />
Read on folks.....<br />
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<br />
So on Monday evenings for the past month or so, I've been running a field hockey clinic at the Y with the varsity coach for younger girls. This Monday was the same. I came home from work, put on my running gear (in which I go commando,,, this is important. remember for later.....) and headed to the Y to get a couple of miles in on the track before field hockey at 6:30. Fine. Ran my 2 miles, did the field hockey clinic in which I played some 2 on 2 with the girls, then came home. <br />
<br />
Dinner was ready when I got home so we started eating. I happen to eat standing up at the counter and my husband says to me--what's on the front of your pants? I look down and much to my horror (and everyone else who's eating dinner at the time) the seam of my running capris are split from the band at the waist all the way down to the crotch. My entire crotch/bush/beaver/hoo-hoo whatever you want to call it was completely hanging out for all to see.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">I did not tear this further, this was the actual hole in my pants.....</span></div>
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WTF!??<br />
<br />
How does one's pants split open completely in the front and <span style="font-size: large;"><i>you don't even notice</i></span>???!!! How long did I walk around flashing everyone at the Y? And worst of all, how come no one told me?? <br />
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Ummm, excuse me coach? I think your hoo-hoo is sticking out.<br />
<br />
Omg I can't even imagine that conversation.<br />
<br />
Seriously. It's a wonder they let me volunteer. Or maybe that's<i> why</i> they let me volunteer......<br />
<br />
I guess I'm going to have to re-think the commando thing.....<br />
<br />
<br />
Anyway, that's what happening in my end of the world. No spring, snow again, more miles and beaver sightings. Good stuff. And my running friends, they are so supportive.....<br />
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Happy April.<br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-81282380355446898992015-03-12T12:33:00.004-07:002015-03-12T12:33:52.216-07:00Three Things ThursdayI haven't done a TTT for some time now, so there must be at least 3 things that I have to say, right? <br />
<br />
1. In my brain, today is Friday. I thought last night was Thursday night and I think today is Friday. What a disappointment to realize that it is not. The kids have tomorrow off for a teacher in-service day so for them, it is actually Friday, but for me, well, people still want to have their eyes checked. Wah.<br />
<br />
2. This morning was the third morning in a row that my running buddy and I managed to get up and run at 5 a.m. before work. Three days in a row! On the time change week! That is nothing short of amazing. It was dark as shit, but also pretty warm (for Maine) and quiet. The first night, I barely slept at all I was so worried about oversleeping and missing the 4:45 a.m. alarm. <span style="font-size: xx-small;">who the fuck gets up at that hour?? stupid people. that's who</span>. The second night, I slept like a rock but woke up at 4:40 on the nose and last night was similar. Today I actually feel pretty normal like I didn't do anything special at all. Like getting up and running at 5 is perfectly sane and regular behavior. huh. Maybe I could be an early morning runner. I will say, it's pretty nice to get it out of the way. Leaves more time for things like laundry and snacking at 8 p.m. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Day 1</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> Day 2</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Day 3</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">I don't always run at 5 a.m. but when I do, I wear an owl hat. And apparently, I only own purple running clothes.</span></div>
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3. So you know how you have your favorite bra? And maybe you have 1 or 2 of the same ones and even though you have other bras you only wear the 2 favorites? Well mine were getting crappy looking so I thought I'd buy 4 of the <i><b>exact same</b></i> of my current favorite ones. Smart, right? Then I would have 2 crappy old favorites and 4 brand new fancy favorites. I looked at the number and bought the same ones X's 4. </div>
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Guess what? </div>
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New bras feel like shit. They don't stay in place, I feel like they are too small <span style="font-size: x-small;">(like that is even possible with my tiny boobs)</span> or something. They ride up and I'm constantly yarning (Maine word) on them and adjusting to make it feel normal. Not a good look. </div>
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So now I have $80 of bras that I hate and I'm back to wearing my 2 old crappy favorite ones. </div>
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Yet another argument for wearing running clothes all the time. Running clothes = sports bras. And even though I have flat boobs in sports bras, they are all comfortable.</div>
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Yes. This is yet another of my fantastically awesome #firstworldproblems.</div>
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<b>How is your <strike>Friday </strike>Thursday going? </b></div>
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<b>Any bra issues you care to share?</b></div>
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-4768245068888812292015-03-04T12:19:00.000-08:002015-03-04T13:09:41.740-08:00January and February Review2015 is starting out fantastically for me as far as running is concerned. I have been able to log crazy miles in the dead of winter thanks, in part, to my fabulous running friends and the fact that I have been far more disciplined with my workouts. Yay me!<br />
<br />
<b>January</b><br />
<br />
Miles Run--100.45. You read that correctly, folks. ONE HUNDRED MILES run in JANUARY! In MAINE! 100 miles is a new record for me and certainly a huge achievement to get it done in one of the worst winter months. Not to mention, we had record snowfall and bitter cold temperatures the last week of January extending into February.<br />
<br />
I've had very little cross training lately, with 60 minutes on the spin bike and 1 measly hour of tennis. I can't do everything, it seems, so running wins. <br />
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<b>February</b><br />
<br />
Miles Run--111. I love that number. More than last month. February is a shorter month and the weather continued to be atrocious but I still managed to get that many miles in. I believe I had maybe 3 of those runs outside and the rest were on the treadmill and the track. <br />
<br />
So.<br />
Boring.<br />
<br />
But all this mental training will be good for that marathon thing I have coming up in May, right??<br />
<br />
<b>Other notable events in Jan/Feb:</b><br />
<br />
~10 mile PR at the Mid-Winter Classic, taking 6+ minutes off my best time.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kg_txsADsrM/VPdkMcqGRxI/AAAAAAAAnEY/ttao7i9fvLQ/s1600/midwinterclassic20152.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kg_txsADsrM/VPdkMcqGRxI/AAAAAAAAnEY/ttao7i9fvLQ/s1600/midwinterclassic20152.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a></div>
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~running 16 miles--longest run ever. 10 on the track and 6 outside, in the dark, in the snow and cold with my running buddy. Big accomplishment.<br />
~the oldest daughter's basketball team won their conference championship! So very exciting.<br />
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But then lost unexpectedly in the first round of the playoffs. womp. womp.<br />
<br />
The day after the boys team lost very unexpectedly in the first round.<br />
<br />
Both games at the buzzer. <br />
So.<br />
Much.<br />
Sad.<br />
<br />
~added on after original post--I just finished watching all the Breaking Bad episodes. I'm kinda feeling like I'm having withdrawal. I was a little late to the party on this one, but it was a great show. Moving on to Saul and his new series?<br />
~So many snow days. I think we got somewhere in the range of 90 inches of snow in the last week of January through February. I don't think the kids had a full week of school ever in February.<br />
~My oldest started driver's ed. Want to feel old? This is how you feel old--watch your kid driving a car for the first time.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">also notable in this picture, the giant ass snowbanks we have. and they are bigger now.</span></div>
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~some indoor field hockey where our little local team of 7 girls went up against club teams and much bigger schools and looked pretty damn good! 2-1-1</div>
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~and I can't leave the boy out, he started travel team basketball and scored #allthepoints in the first few games. I hope this kid grows early (although I doubt it), cause he's gonna be something else on the court. (things every single mother in the world says.... )</div>
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Moving on to March. Let's hope the giant piles of snow melt before June......</div>
ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-23248661228760788872015-02-10T09:38:00.002-08:002015-02-10T09:38:37.671-08:00Catching Up--in which I finally recap Dec and the year 2014 So as I sit here in between patients (after the nine millionth snowstorm this week), I thought it might be a good time to catch up on all things blogging. <br />
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<b>December</b><br />
<br />
Run--62.74 miles<br />
Bike--100 minutes<br />
Swim--2000 yds<br />
Tennis--6 hours<br />
Weights--15 minutes<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Review and totals for 2014</span></b><br />
<br />
Miles Run--668.88<br />
Bike--2155 minutes of biking or spinning That is approximately 576 miles of biking.<br />
Swim--44,000 yards which equates to about 27 miles of swimming.<br />
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That is a total of 1271 miles, which is like driving from Boothbay Harbor, ME to Nashville, TN. I guess I covered a bit of ground this year. I also exceeded my running goal of 600 miles, so I'm pretty proud of that!<br />
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<b>Favorites for 2014</b><br />
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<b><br /></b>
Bradbury Mountain Trail Series<br />
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My first time racing on trails and I really, really enjoyed it. It was hard, both mentally and physically but I did them all. The 6, 9 and 12 mile race I finished and now can call myself a Bad Ass. And I have the hoodie to prove it. Thank you Danielle, for helping me make poor life decisions... ;) And of course, now I have to do it again next year so you can earn your hoodie!<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">smiling fool, that's me!</span></div>
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see? Bad Ass^^^</div>
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The Harborfest Half was so much fun in that Gary Allen came to run with us and I had a miserable sufferfest of a half marathon in which I ran (walked) #allthehills and sucked #allthewind. It was long and awful and hard but I'll likely do it again next year. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">will someone get him a cheeseburger? Jeez.</span></div>
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I had a random 10 mile race in Massachusetts that I won an entry into. No friends here, but a nice race with nice people and a cool photo. Thanks, random photographer.<br />
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Surprisingly, the Santa Shuffle Half Marathon was a fabulous race! It was well organized, parking was easy and plentiful and I had a great PR, finally, finally breaking the 2 hour mark at 1:55!! AND we dressed up! #allthefun I cannot wait to do this race again next year. So gimmicky, but extremely fun.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">What's in store for 2015?</span></b><br />
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~I had a fantastic race at the Mid-Winter Classic 10 miler on Feb 1, which you can read all about <a href="http://ltlindian.blogspot.com/2015/02/mid-winter-classic-10-miler-2015.html">here.</a> <br />
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~I have done the unthinkable and ran over 100 miles in January, which brings me to the completely unimaginable--I signed up for the Maine Coast Marathon in May! Never in a million years did I ever think I would sign up to do a marathon. Never in ten million years did I ever think I would even be able to run a marathon. I have to thank my running friends, Stacey and Lauren and Danielle, for helping me to make more poor life choices. All of us fools (and so many more!) will be at this marathon, on Mother's Day, trying to finish and maybe, just maybe qualifying for Boston..... <br />
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Never in my wildest dreams (nightmares??) would I have entertained the thought of qualifying for Boston, but lately my running times and my old age have led me to believe that it just might be possible. <br />
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Maybe old dogs can learn new tricks or at least run many miles in 3:55......<br />
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~Also on the agenda is a redo of the Bradbury Mountain Trail Series. It was fun and different and I plan on doing it again. <br />
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~Beach to Beacon 10K<br />
~Harborfest Half Marathon--cause I enjoy suffering and this one goes right by my house.<br />
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That's it so far. I need to find a half marathon sometime in April, if you have any suggestions in the New England area. I'd also like to do a relay like Ragnar,<br />
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What do you have planned for 2015?<br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6847128469382871503.post-83202739181490299962015-02-03T07:58:00.001-08:002015-02-03T07:58:33.974-08:00Mid-Winter Classic 10 Miler 2015 Edition--in which I become a rockstar and find new places to chafeHey! It's me! I decided to come out of blogging retirement finally. I'm not sure what has gotten into me, but I just haven't felt like blogging lately. Yesterday's race gave me a reason to return. I realize that I haven't bothered to recap either January, the year end or even December yet, but I'll get to that in another post. Since it is the way I keep track of my running total, I will get to it eventually.<br />
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So yesterday was my third year running the Mid-Winter Classic 10 Mile race in Cape Elizabeth. It's usually a pretty fun race in that all my best running buddies are there and also, it's right in the middle of winter. And really, what else have you got to do in the middle of winter but head out in (usually) frigid temperatures and run 10 miles? <br />
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I don't know if you've been following the weather here in Maine, but we have been seriously dumped on with snow over the past week. 18-24" on Tues-Wed and another 8-12" on Friday. That's a lot of f'n snow. They were considering postponing the race if the road conditions were not going to be safe because of all the snow but I guess the plow guys in Cape E. do a nice job because they decided on Saturday to hold the race anyway.<br />
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Temperatures on Sunday were 4* when I got up at 6:30. Expected high was 16*. Not super warm but better than what I had originally heard, which was -4*. I packed a whole bunch of stuff just in case I would need it because I really hate to be cold. <br />
~Trail shoes and regular shoes--if the road was really snowy, I wanted to run in my trail shoes.<br />
~two jackets to wear over my thermal shirt<br />
~wore one set of long thermal running pants and brought another to wear over them<br />
~hat, gloves<br />
~sweatshirt and sweatpants to change into afterward<br />
~various forms of fuel<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">#allthestuff</span></div>
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I arrived around 8:20 and went in to get my shirt and bib. I always like the shirt, it's long sleeve and this year it was red. Most of my running buddies were not there this year (sad sad panda face) but I did find a few. Mandy (my super fun tri friend) was there and I was so happy to see her! I haven't seen her since last year's race when we had #allthefun.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">really, we had the most fun</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">here we are again, she's trying to keep me from throwing up everywhere from nervousness pre-triathlon</span></div>
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So anyway, I was really happy to see her. So happy, we didn't even bother to get a selfie. Total fail. <br />
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She was there to run, but also to help recruit people to sign up to be a bone marrow donor. Which of course, I did. All that it involves was filling out some paperwork--name, address, blah blah, then swabbing your cheek with a q-tip. There is a young girl in her community who needs a bone marrow transplant and she was there for her. I hope you find your donor, Haley. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">team Haley, getting donors.</span></div>
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After chatting with Mandy for a bit, I found a table with my friend, Andy, to relax at while waiting for the race to start. We chatted a bit and I also ran into my high school friend, Todd. It was nice to see everyone but I was missing my girl friends--<a href="http://danielle09justdoit.blogspot.com/">Danielle</a>, Sara and Sarah. Danielle was solo parenting, Sarah hates the cold and other<a href="http://www.middle-agedrunner.blogspot.com/"> Sara</a> has some fancy equestrian business that she needs to run. Whatever. I missed all you bozos anyway.<br />
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Like usual, my stupid Garmin never seems to work when I want to use it. Somehow, it was not hooked to the charger in the morning. I thought it might have enough charge to get me through the race, but no. Of course it didn't. I went to set it at the start line and it went dead. Womp womp.<br />
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My plan was no plan. Just run. I had no goals, no time planned, nothing. Really, just to have fun and finish. Andy, Jim, <a href="http://www.mainemomontherun.com/">Carrie</a> and <a href="http://www.runningwiththegirls.com/">Jen </a>were also all planning on just having a fun run to we were going to try to run together and take #alltheselfies. Well, that failed too. Jim, Andy and I could not find Carrie and Jen anywhere at the start so we just started together. 9:00's were planned. Jim and Andy started their watches (since mine was dead….), the cannon went off, and we were running. <br />
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The start was crowded and snowy to start but once we got on the main roads, it was pretty clear. The temperature ended up feeling pretty perfect. I wasn't cold at all. The sun was bright and the white snow everywhere was just beautiful. Honestly! It was a perfect running day! <br />
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Andy, Jim and I ran together for about the first 3 miles. Jim tells me that we were around 9:20, 8:40 then 8:30. I was pretty surprised that I was running below 9, since I was not winded at all and really felt like it was easy. I pulled away from Jim at that point and ran with Andy for awhile. Maybe around mile 6 (? not sure) I pulled away from Andy as well. I was watch-less at this point but just kept the pace I was going. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">me in all black to the left--courtesy of Maine Running Photos</span></div>
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There were some hills at the start of the race and a few in the middle but these 'hills' are nothing at all like what I've been training with at home. They really just felt like a bump in the road to me and I just ran through them without issue. <br />
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I was passing people left and right at this point. It was a pretty awesome feeling! Unlike my first year running this race, no old man in jeans was going to pass me this time. Around mile 7, Andy caught back up to me again. I was so happy to have someone to run with, I hoped we would finish together. At this point we were doing 8:12 according to his watch. I couldn't believe it. 8:00's! At mile 7 of a 10 mile race!! Here was where I knew I could really make a good time. I was gonna turn it on here.<br />
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Andy stopped for water at the Mile 8 water station and I just kept going. There was no slowing down for me at this point--I wanted to PR and I wanted to do it big. I picked off runner after runner. Not one person passed me after around mile 4. Not one. Mile 9 marker appeared and I pushed it a bit more. Only one more mile to go. <br />
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Then came to turn into the high school where the race finishes. You think you are done because that is where the race started, but no! The finish is out back and it's about 1/4 mile to get there. ugh. But I still had gas in the tank. I turned on my kick and passed 5 more people into the finish. <br />
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1:25:37!!!<br />
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Big, big PR for me. Last year's race I finished in 1:31:xx so that's a good 6 minutes better! And I could have gone faster. I wasn't even trying at the beginning until I realized that I could actually PR. <br />
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You really just never know when you are going to have a good race vs. a great race. This day was definitely a <b>Great Race </b>day!<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">yes, I'm totally clapping for myself. you should always clap for yourself. especially when you are a **ROCKSTAR** and kill your race.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">not too shabby!</span></div>
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I changed in hallway, as I am the master of changing clothes while staying decent, said bye to all my friends and headed out for home. The DQ is now open, <span style="font-size: xx-small;">thank you sweet baby jesus</span>, so that was my post-race treat. All PR's deserve a giant ice cream to celebrate, right? Then home for the best part of any race--the shower!!<br />
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Now normally I wouldn't bother telling you about my shower however, this one had a very special surprise in store for me. I hopped in to the hottest, steamiest shower ever and started warming up. All of a sudden I had the worst pain known to man, or woman, in a place where you never want to feel that kind of pain. <br />
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Water hitting chaffed skin = the worst pain ever. I promise you. <br />
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I had the worst chaffing on my inner thighs about as close to the who-ha, the Queen, the crotch, whatever you want to call it, as you can get without actually being the who-ha. On both thighs. <br />
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(insert screaming face emoji here)<br />
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I have never chaffed there before. Like ever. So I had no idea what that was all about. Then I remembered. <br />
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I wore these new running pants that my sister-in-law had gotten me for Christmas. The were thermal and warm and comfy and I had worn them for 5 and 6 mile runs before. I pulled them out of the laundry to see what was up with the crotch and this is what I saw.<br />
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That stupid triangle crotch thing is what got me. That stitching. I should've known that running pants from Kohl's would not actually be appropriate for running. Silly me. #fashionpants<br />
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So word to the wise--avoid this type of crotch on long runs at all costs lest you want to have a week of wearing yoga pants and walking like a gang-bang victim. <br />
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Other than the chaffing, this race was the bomb dot com! I love the local feel, the people, my friends, the course, the volunteers! Everything. This race is very well done. The cost is low and it feels like a bigger race than it is. I love it. <br />
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Thank you Maine Track Club for a great race, year after year.<br />
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<br />ltlindianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16404710091831392847noreply@blogger.com0