Is calling it quits quitting?

So maybe you've been able to tell by my lack of posts that my racing mojo is seriously lacking.  I am just not feeling it this season. 

I'm still exercising and training, but I've gotten to the point where I just don't care about racing. 

Local yokel race in town down the road?  I'm in.

Larger race an hour away where I have to get up at 5:00, possibly encounter traffic on the way home, and likely die of heat exhaustion due to the asinine humidity levels?  Bleh.  Not so much. 

Which presents a problem of sorts.

I have this little race on my schedule just about 6 (7?) weeks away that I keep pushing away to the back of my mind.  The Rev 3 70.3 in Old Orchard Beach. 

70.3.  That means seventy MILES of racing. All in one day.  Back to back.

I can do 1.2 miles of swimming.  No big deal.  I do it weekly.

I can do 56 miles on the bike.  Yes I can.  I might even do it at a 17 mph pace.  That is possible. 

But then the 13.1 mile run.  This is what hangs over my head. 


13.1 MILES of RUNNING.  AFTER 56 MILES of biking. 

This is where I lose it.  My longest run to this year was 10 miles.  Back in February.  And that was not pretty my friends.  Read all about it here if you wish.

I like running.  I really do.  But my running seems to be around 4-6 miles and that's it.  But I like that.  5 miles is my thing.  I can bang out 5 miles like a boss.  A not-very-fast-boss, but a boss nonetheless. 

I know I can run 13.1 miles.  I have done it before.  But guess what?  I really don't want to. 

I just don't want to.

Right now I feel my time is better spent being with my family, sleeping, biking, swimming with the kids (in the ocean, not the pool), at the beach or playing field hockey. 

I feel guilty for not training better for this race.  I feel guilty for not at least trying to get a 10 miler in.  Or a brick workout. 

I feel like I'm failing.  I feel like the natural progression of things here is to do a sprint tri, then an Olympic tri and then the 70.3 and eventually the 140.6.  I read blogs of people doing all these fantastic things and it makes me feel like that's what I should be doing.  Because in the running/tri blogging world, exercising 4 hours a day is pretty darn normal. 

In my real life, it is not.  Here's my typical day:

6:30 a.m. wake up and get ready for work
8:00 a.m.-11:30 to 12ish  see patients for eye exams
11:30-12:50 exercise--either run 4 miles, bike 15 or spin at the Y, with time for a quick shower
1:00-4:30ish see more patients
4:45 p.m. drive to watch kids karate/jiu-jitsu (yes, every night of the week)
6:30 or 7:00 p.m. depending on when karate ends--arrive home to make and eat dinner
7:30 p.m. feed kids and do dishes
8:30 p.m. try to tidy up house/do laundry/take a shower
9:00 p.m. begin the process of putting kids to bed
10:00 p.m. play on FB for a little bit
10:30 p.m. try to fall asleep
12:00 a.m. wake up due to snoring and move to another room to sleep

I suppose there is time at 5 or 5:30 to get up and do something, but honestly, my body and mind are so tired I just cannot get up then.  I can't and I don't want to.  And I really don't want to end up feeling guilty about not getting up then.  I don't have the luxury of an afternoon nap and it's almost impossible for me to get to bed before 10.  Something would have to give to put more exercise in that schedule.  Either kid time, work time or sleep time.  I can do that 1 or 2 nights a week, but not more. 

I don't get paid to do this triathlon stuff.  No one even cares if I do it or not.  I don't have a running partner who relies on me, I don't belong to a tri group pushes you to keep going and no one in the family runs or bikes with me.  In fact, I think everyone would be much happier if I didn't do this stuff. 

But I do like to do this stuff.  And it keeps me happy and healthy. 

60 to 90 minutes of exercise daily is what I can do right now.  That's it.  And I'm not going to make myself crazy trying to do more. 

Either that will be good enough for the 70.3 or it won't.  I'll see when the time comes.  Either I'll suck it up and do the damn race in 6+ hours or swipe the pussy card and drop back down to the oly and be done with it in 3+ hours. 

After this summer, I'm going to plan to do NONE OF THE RACES and just sign up as the time comes.  No more early sign up to get me trapped into something I'm not really feeling like I want to do.  Maybe a 70.3 is in my cards and maybe it is not.   

Either way, that's ok.